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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748009">Murphy's Law</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeINeverKnow/pseuds/HopeINeverKnow'>HopeINeverKnow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Narcos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Awkwardness, Badboy!Steve, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Carrillo is ALIVE, EXACTLY the trash boy from Logan, Eventual Sex, I don't want to spoil, Javi and Steve are DEA, Javi is conflicted, Love, M/M, Sex, Steve is kinda fucked up, Steve is...something, Well Javier is..., a bit of slow burn, and suddenly Steve looks like Donald Pierce, im anxious</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:15:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeINeverKnow/pseuds/HopeINeverKnow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Javier almost had a heart attack. Steve. He moved his body to look at him, and he froze. The man in front of him didn’t look like Steve, at all. Steve didn’t have those large shoulders, or that messy fuckboy haircut. Nope.</p>
<p>“You look like you seen a ghost...” </p>
<p>Javier gulped. <em> Shit </em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Murphy/Javier Peña</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. - “Nothing is easy as it seems.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This took a while. its almost finished, I predict 6/7 chapters!<br/>Hope you enjoy it:-)<br/>Tell me what you think about it!<br/>Oh Plis remember English is not my first language, if you find mistakes, please tell me so i can correct and improve! Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Javier decided to go to bed, he could’t bare to sleep another night on his couch, his back was killing him, he probably needed a new couch... or just sleep on his bed like a normal person! When his phone beeped.<em>Huh</em> It was late, who the hell?</p><p>
  <em> “We should meet. Murphy” </em>
</p><p>He stared blankly at the screen. Was this a fucking prank? Javier’s hand tightened around the device, hands suddenly trembling. He gave a few steps back and sat down on the couch, tense, taking a few breaths in. His heart pounding hard inside his ribcage. He leaned and grabbed a cigarette from his pack. <em> Jesus Christ.</em> it couldn’t be...</p><p>Steve Murphy was AWOL for two years now.</p><p>Javier leaned forward, rubbing his face, the wave of old grief hit him like a hurricane. All those months of guilt, dispair. The days spent in front of a computer trying to pinpoint the last place Steve was seen, or keeping his phone obsessively on, waiting for a sign of life. Pleading silenty for a call or a fucking text message.<br/>The nights... oh, the drunken nights where he cried his eyes out. Javier felt the bitter taste of sadness in his throat again.<br/><em>Shit.</em> He looked at the phone, black letters almost like mocking him. Sadness became anger. He had to get up, the darkness of his living room making him antsy. He turned on the lamp on and took another look at his phone. Shit, he wanted to angrily tap a <em>‘where the fuck have you been’</em> but he didn’t.<br/>After a while of pondering, he decided to called his boss. Barely noticing it was late, and she would probably be asleep.</p><p><em>“What the hell Peña?”</em> she sounded tired. Javier looked at the time; it was three in the morning. <em>Shit.</em></p><p>“Messina... I know it’s late.” He moved to grab is half-drunk beer, and made a chinese take-out box fall.</p><p>
  <em>“Whatever you have to tell me can wai...”</em>
</p><p>“Steve texted me.”</p><p>Her silence in the other side of the line told Javier everything. Javier took a deep breath, he knew she was processing it.</p><p><em>“You sure it’s him?”</em> she asked, voice low but more alert.</p><p>“He texted the check-point number.” Javier said. She sighed on the other side.</p><p><em>“Tomorrow.”</em> And she hung up.</p><p>Javier put the phone on the coffee table and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He turned off the tv, and thought maybe he should sleep. He should stop thinking about answering. He should ignore it and let his boss decide what to do.</p><p>He thought of Steve Murphy, the day he met him. Javier had been fof a few months in Miami and was already working on a case: a big, fat, juicy case, and suddenly was assigned a new partner.</p><p>His first though was <em>I don’t need a fucking partner.</em> But it wasn’t his decision, so on a busy morning there was Steve Murphy; Blond hair tidy and a clean shaven face, he was taller than Javier, slender and a damn Tennesse accent, looking pristine in his white dress shirt and dark suit and tie. His blue eyes bright, excited to be there, taking in all information around him.</p><p>Jesus, he looked so fucking breakable, and Javier was sad for moment, thinking on how this job had a way of breaking that brightness and excitment. The DEA was a dark, dark route.</p><p>First day was a fucking mess, one of Javier’s informant was kidnapped, and he could’t lose her, just couldn’t. She was a Call-girl, she had valuable information and she knew people, dangerous people. She wanted out of the degrading life, Javier said to her he would try to help her, even had a request to witness protection. She was a bit reckless, and wanted her information to be valuable, so she dared to answer a call in to a dangerous Nightclub with other girls. She left him a message, that she would get him more data and big names. And someone took her.</p><p>Javier was worried and didn’t stop until he found her. So he kind of forgot Steve was there though the day. After getting her back, hurt but back, Javier got back to headquarters. Steve was there, fuming, he argued telling Javier not to do that again.</p><p>“If we’re gonna be parters, I don’t get left behind. I want all in.” Steve said. Javier never forgot those words.</p><p>Their friendship started slow, they coudn’t be more different: Steve was a good person, married to a beautiful girl who didn’t complain about moving to Miami, and good agent, sharp and inteligent, a hot head with no chill, but overly a by the book agent. And Javier had not been a good influence. Javier knew he was a fuck up. His personal life was a mess, it was like he had a revolving door of women, but none got his attention enough for more than a few fucks. But he convinced himself it was ok. He wasn’t build for family. He always took too many risks on his job, having a wife wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Ok, maybe sometimes when he waited for Steve in the lobby before going to work, and he always saw Connie kissing Steve goodbye, it gave him a weird feeling of longing, a tiny bit of jelousy. Of what they had of course, that intimacy, like they were more than husband and wife, like... best friends. Connie wasn’t his type, she was cute and sweet... and maybe that was it. Cute and sweet didn’t do anything for Javier, he liked something more condimented... Spicier even.</p><p>And yes, the time they spend in Miami did stain Steve’s integrity. When he said to Javier <em>“I don’t get left behind. I want all in.”</em> he was serious, he wanted to know everything and how things were being dealt with in the darker circles. Javier was a master with dealing with one foot in and another out, but Steve... Well, he started good, taking things in, dealing with it. Until he wasn’t.</p><p>Two years gone by and Connie left to her mother’s house. Javier tried not to hear the big argument, but the walls were not that thick and her voice was loud. She told him she couldn’t stand his drunkness anymore, his nights working and how dangerous his work was and yelled at him he changed and she couldn’t compete with his work anymore. Javier heard the door and went outside, he was waiting to see Steve, but no, Connie was standing in the lobby, crying. Javier asked if she needed something. She had a bag on her shoulder, and she just told him to look after Steve.<br/>Javier promissed her he would. But he broke that promisse when Steve disapeared.</p><p>Few months after Connie left and divorce papers signed, an undercover work came in. When Javier was noticed about it, Steve already took it, leaving Javier behind.</p><p>It was not a simple task, infiltrating in a cartel...! Travelling between Miami, Cuba and Colombia. What was he thinking? He was a goddamn lunatic. Reckless! Javier wanted to punch the goddamn hillbilly son of a bitch. Ok, he already lost the bright attitude he had at the begining! But he didn’t look like someone who’d belong to a drug trafficking cartel! He quit suits a long time ago, but his tidy jeans and fucking polo shirts?! His slick back blond hair and pretty face? He was dead meat!</p><p>As his partner, Javier ended being his check point, they couldn’t met, but they had a text message system, so Javier knew he was safe. At the first five months he gave the DEA great leads, pictures and it seemed to be going well. Until Steve missed a few check points. Texting Javier randomly that things were not was smooth as he though. Javier argued with his superiors to take Steve from the mission, to bring him back.</p><p>And suddenly Steve Murphy was gone. Off grid completly. It tore a hole in Javier’s chest.</p><p>They searched for him, tried to make sense of what happened. Searched for the group he was working for and nothing, not even smoke.</p><p>Was Steve even alive? If they found out he was DEA and killed Steve, they would probably know it...? Shit, he knew it was a bad ideia.</p><p>Javier kept looking. And after months of frustration, he had this ugly feeling that they couldn’t find Steve because he didn’t want them to.</p><p>That text came after almost two years of him being missing. Javier grabbed the phone; he wanted to tell him to get fucked. To be gone. To crawl back to the hole he’s been hiding and keep doing whatever the fuck he was doing. Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>“I though you were dead.” He send. The answer came a few minutes later.</p><p>
  <em>“Nothing’s easy as it seems.”</em>
</p><p>What the actual fuck? Javier sighed.</p><p>Fucking hillbilly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>tbc.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “If its too good to be true, it probably is.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello again, here is the second chapter!<br/>Hope you guys enjoy it!<br/>And again, remember my first language's not english, so if you see a mistake, please tell me so i can correct it so i can improve!<br/>:-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The coffee machine at work only had stale cold coffee, Javier cursed under his breath, he didn’t want to make more. He didn’t sleep, too wired to even think about it, and he was so tired, he felt like if he curled somewhere, anywhere, he would fall asleep imediatly. <em>Sleep is for the weak</em>! He remembered Steve saying after they pulled a all-nighter, dork... God, he missed him. <em>Damn it.</em> Javier filled his cup and went to his boss’s Office.</p><p>Claudia Messina was in the middle of a phone call, she raised a finger at him an he stayed quiet, taking a sip of his coffee. He frowned at his cup, shit, it tasted worse than what he expected. He tried to look calm, eyes sweeping her Office, her messy table and the half eaten sandwich on a plate.</p><p>She hung up the phone, eyeing him.</p><p> </p><p> “You look like shit Javi...” she said, Javier frowned again, rolling his eyes, he leaned on the book shelve and sighed:</p><p> </p><p>“Well, recieving a text from my long disapeared partner was an eye opener...” he sipped on his coffee again, he should throw it away. She rolled her eyes at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure it’s him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He nodded quietly “I have two SIM cards in my phone... The only people who have that number are Carrillo and... Steve.” Javi said low. “It’s the check-point card, he memorised the number... and...” he shut his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Messina was staring at him, there was a slight judgement on her face. She nodded. Javier felt a bit stupid. Yeah, he kept the number all this time. It didn’t feel right to let it go. Not yet. He looked down, shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>“You hoped...” She said. Javier looked up at her, nodding. “Can you show me the text?”</p><p> </p><p>Javier gabbed his phone and hesitated. “Huh... I texted back...” it was better to tell her already.</p><p> </p><p>“You did what?!”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged apologetically and handed her the phone. She saw the texts, eyeing the screen for a while, like there was a lot to read, Javier shuffled on his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“What do we do?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook his phone on her hand, Javier’s eyes followed the movement, worried. “We try to trace it... and I need to take this to...”</p><p> </p><p>“Couldn’t we keep this low?” Javier interrupted, she stared at him sternly. “Por favor... so we can understand what happened...”</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon Peña, that’s not how this works...” but Messina looked conflicted, “What do you want to do?” she crossed her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to talk to him...” He tried not to sound exasperated “Meet him...” He had to, Javier needed his questions answered, and he had a lot.</p><p> </p><p>“It could be a trap Peña...” she shook her head. Javier knew it, but still. “No. I can’t do that.”</p><p> </p><p>So his phone went to the Computer Forensics while Messina reported the sudden contact to her superior.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Javier was an anxious mess. He went to his desk and looked for the information he had on the case Steve was working on before disapearing. Javier checked the files from storage and took them to his desk, opened the digital ones on his laptop and reread them.</p><p><em>Shit</em>. He still knew most of the words by heart. He though that reading the files again and again it would help him somehow understand what happened. Like some magical enlightenment would came to him and he would find Steve. But no, nothing. It was mostly copies of documents and pictures Steve sent him, a good amount of information. It helped to arrest a few drug dealers and close some sketchy clubs.</p><p>El Caos, the Chaos, was the name of the group Steve got himself in. They were basically mercenaries who worked for who payed more. At the moment they were linked to a big Cartel who operated between Colombia, Cuba and Miami. It was suposedly conected to the Familia Santamaria, Sergio Santamaria owned clubs, hotels and a big ranch in Colombia. The DEA had no evidence of his real evolvement. They kept slipping through their fingers, and weirdly enough the DEA saw El Caos as the way: Their elements were basically unknow except for their boss, a colombian man that went by the name Rudo. Information said he was ex-military, no one knew his real name. They were crafty, they had a way to pass around drugs and some valuable itens without being caught. But when things didn’t go their way, they would leave a trail of blood and bodies behind.</p><p>The DEA had a reliable informant who told Carrillo about El Caos being looking for a new man, they wanted someone american, someone who knew his way in Miami and surroundings. Javier would’ve take that undercover job in a blink of an eye, just to keep Steve safe.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What the hell was he thinking?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Undercover jobs were hard, Javier had done a few... he was older than Steve, he had more experience. Why didn’t Carrillo tell him first about the damn undercover job?!</p><p>It angered Javier that Steve got in there, in all that fucking mess.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned back on his chair, hands on a file, Steve’s tidy hand writing on the sides, arrows and notes. He closed the file and a paper fell on his desk. It was Steve’s ID, he looked sleepy on the picture, camera flash making his skin and eyes look paler than it really was. How the hell El Caos accepted him as new member? He looked like a goddamn tall twig! Javier felt his anger rising again.</p><p>Steve and his <em>“I don’t get sidelined”</em> bullshit...</p><p> </p><p>Javier rembered the day Horacio Carrillo traumatized Steve. Carrillo was military, he was the leader of a very specific team dedicated to the front line in fighting narcos, working with the DEA. He was a hard man with questionable morals, but he trusted Javier, and got shit done.</p><p>Javier knew all the terrible things he did and never opened his mouth. He tried to warn Steve about the shit Carrillo did, Steve didn’t listen.</p><p> </p><p>Work lead them to Colombia where Carrillo’s team lead a search on a few streets to catch some important people, peoplo who could lead them to higher ranks on the network. Carrillo chose Javier to go with him at first. Steve was stuck at phonecalls and computers. He was pissed.</p><p>They discovered the Cartel was using young men, almost children, to surveille the streets, and Carrillo killed a 16 year old to make a fucking point. Javier would never erase that memory from his head.</p><p>Steve bitched at him about being sidelined again, and he had the balls to yell at Carrillo, acusing Carrillo he didn’t trust him.  So, next time, Carrillo took Steve. It was a simple thing, picking up two sicarios with the helicopter to take them to prison to get interrogated. Carrillo started the interrogation when they were in the air, it ended up with him throwing both men out of the aircraft. The picking up papers were not signed, so that trip never legally happened.</p><p>When Steve got back to the Embassy, where Javier was waiting for him, anxiously chainsmoking like a lunatic, Steve sat on the bench close to Javier, legs and elbows touching. He leaned and grabbed the cigarette Javier was smoking from his hand, taking a long drag. Javier let him, he stared at Steve’s profile, he looked defeated.</p><p> </p><p>“What did he do..? When he took you the other day?” Steve asked low, they were really close, Javier heard him clearly, he was busy staring at a drop of sweat on Steve’s neck, it was too hot in Colombia.</p><p> </p><p>“He shot a kid in the head.” Javier confessed after a while. Steve exaled, lowering his head. Javier heard a faint ‘<em>shit</em>’ coming from his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“He threw the sicarios out of the heli... they screamed all way down... I...” He said. Javier nodded, he took his cigarette from Steve’s fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanted all in... There, you have it. It will get worst.” Javier’s tone was bitter, he got up. Steve looked up, with his blue eyes wet. “Come, let’s get drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>“We should sleep, tomorrow we have a plane to...” Steve started. Javier grabbed him by his stupid red polo shirt, and helped him up.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you sleep?” Javier asked.</p><p> </p><p>Steve hesitated and shook his head. “No.”</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was almost time to finish his shift, when Messina entered the tactical room, where Javier was staring at few fellow agents arguing about tatics.</p><p> </p><p>“Peña?”</p><p> </p><p>He got up imediatly and followed her to her office, he rubbed his face, sighing, the lack of sleep was taking it’s toll on him. She gave him back his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“So?”</p><p> </p><p>“Inconclusive. Whoever sent you that text covered his tracks.” She said. “We tried to text and call the number, it rang once and it disappeared, it doesn’t exist anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Javier felt like someone punched his gut. <em>Shit. </em>“Now what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well... your check-point number is intact. You said he knows that number, so we hope he tries again. You have permission to text back to agree a meeting.” She looked sternly at him, rasing a index finger: “No getting out of line, no playing, no hiding. We got your number on watch.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes boss.”</p><p> </p><p>“We need to solve this... and bring Murphy home.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Four days after, Javier was leaning on a bar counter, alone, nursing a glass of whiskey, when his phone vibrated. He took it from his jeans pocket and it almost slid inside the glass.</p><p> </p><p><em>“So, is it bugged? M.” </em>It was a new number. Javier was suddenly sober. He paid the drink and got out of the bar to close himfelf inside his pickup truck.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He answered, there was no point in lying. His fingers twitched over the screen.</p><p> </p><p><em>“How r u?”</em> the text surprised him. Javier stared at his screen for a while, he could almost hear Steve’s drawled words.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. I THOUGHT u were dead.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You said that already”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Javier groaned in frustration. The fuck do you want Steve?</p><p> </p><p>“Can I call u?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Where are u?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can’t tell.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Fuck! Javi leaned back on his seat. Taking a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“What do u want?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“To meet, I told u in my first text”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Why? Why now? What changed? What happened? Javi wanted to yell at him.</p><p> </p><p>“How do i know you’re really Steve?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“First day i met u, last thing i told u that day: I don’t get left behind. I want all in. No one else heard. Just u.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Steve<em>.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, Steve.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Fuck. Javier felt his eyes watering. Jesus fucking Christ.</p><p> </p><p>“Where and when?” Javier texted back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>tbc.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So... any thoughts!.... :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. “Every solution breeds new problems”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, here we are again ;-) <br/>Let me know what you think! i'm super curious! :O</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Im gonna be in Miami this weekend. I’ll call you then.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Friday, Carrillo invited him for the ususal a drinks and a few games of pool, but Javier had been a lousy opponent that night. He tried not to think about Steve, but it was impossible. He kept grabbing his phone to see if there were new messages.</p>
<p>“I always wanted to accuse you that you’re a lousy player, but i know you’re not... You’re really distracted. Is it this whole thing with Murphy, huh...?” Carrillo asked, when they got out of the bar. Javier didn’t feel like talking about it, but he nodded. “Yeah, shit got real.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know what to think.” Javier said. Carrillo said nothing. He patted Javier’s shoulder:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Drive safe Peña... be careful, don’t get yourself killed.” Javier scoffed, but in the middle of his way home, he barely noticed the red light turning green, if it weren’t for the honks from the car behind him.</p>
<p>After a long shower and some pizza, he was looking absently at the tv when his cellphone rang. He almost jumped, staring at the unkown number.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Peña speaking.” Javier said low, heartbeat really fast in anticipation. He was graced with silence, he heard him inhaling on the other side. He was definitely smoking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Javi. Good to hear you.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier had to take a moment, he closed his eyes, phone tight in his fist. His voice. It was Steve, it really was him! He tried not to choke on his words. “What the hell Steve...” they came out breathy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I know.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Where are you? The fuck happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Look Javi, I can’t explain to you on phone. I called because... I needed you to be sure it was me...”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Two fucking years.” the sadness rising, the months of a big pile of nothing, thinking he was dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“I know... and I’m sorry.” </em>Steve said low, Javier missed his tone of voice. The soft rumbling, the damn hillbilly accent. <em>Shit.</em> It felt like Steve was opening the Pandora’s box inside Javier’s chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where are you now? Where can we meet?” Javier asked, he was ready to grab his keys and leave to wherever he was. Steve chuckled.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>“I just landed in Miami, need to rest...” </em>Javier heard him breathe <em>“Tomorrow I get a window... we could meet...” </em>he hesitated <em>“...and talk.”</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>“</em>Ok<em>.”</em> Javier agreed. “Where?”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can it be at the Coartada?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier hesitated, he knew that club. The fuck was happening? The Coartada was one of the largest clubs in south Miami, a huge fucking obnoxious place, three floors and a large dancefloor. They did a drug raid a few years ago there and it had been a nightmare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure? Isn’t that too exposed?” Javier asked. He was joking right?</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, it is... but need to show you something.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So the next night, Javier was staring at the entrance of the fucking <em>Coartada</em>. He hated that place so much his gut was churning. The name of the damn club translated to ‘Alibi’, fucking smug pricks. Messina told him to set another place to meet, and she wanted him to wear a wire. Javier refused. Telling her this was Steve, ok, he might be enrolled with some nasty shit, but Javier wanted to trust him. So he didn’t wear a wire but Messina would put a few agents around to control the meeting and help Javier if he needed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did he set a meeting in such a known club?” Messina asked, she was in front of the white board, pictures of the assumed Santamaria cartel on display. Beneath there was a few playing cards for the Caos group, since they didn’t know their members except for Rudo in a blurry picture, and Steve in a black a white picture, his ID photo. It still hurt to see Steve’s picture there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No clue. He said he wanted to show me something...” Javi shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pointed at a bottom picture of the Santamaria cartel, the last know ower of the damn Club.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You think Steve conected the Club to the Cartel?” Messina asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Club was packed, he almost needed a GPS to move inside. The flicking lights were annoying, he moved swiftly, through the crowd, it angered him how young this people seemed to be.</p>
<p>Steve had texted him the time and where he’d be. Second floor, close to the VIP zone and it was almost 23h. He stopped close to the counter, asked for a beer and looked around, waiting impatiently. The barmaid raised an eyebrow at him, looking like no one ever asked beer around there. He sighed, feeling old. Someone stopped beside him, someone taller, dressed in all black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how’s the night treating you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier almost had a heart attack.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Steve</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He moved his body to look at him, and he froze. The man in front of him didn’t look like Steve, at all. Steve didn’t have those large shoulders, or that messy fuckboy haircut. Nope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You look like you seen a ghost...” He said, and made a sign to the barmaid. Javier noticed she stopped what she was doing to serve him whiskey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here Murph...” She said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks darlin’...” he smiled. Javier was trying to wrap his head around on what was happening. He sipped on his beer giving Steve a glance over, how the fuck that happened? Javier knew he had a few more inches on himself, but the Steve he knew was almost like twig, not this fucking Michaelangelo sculpture. He had dark jeans on, boots and a black button up, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and the tattoo on his right forearm was a surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened to you?” Javier asked. But maybe it was too low, beacuse Steve leaned closer, eyeing him, smile on his lips. The music was loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier stared at him: blue eyes that seemed happy to see him, his stubbled jaw twitching and damn, he smelled good. Javier wanted to suddenly punch him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is not a great place to talk...” Javier said to him. Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right... come.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier didn’t want to change locations, he had the other DEA agents on the club. He looked over his shoulder and back to Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To the office.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Office? He frowned at Steve, but nodded and followed him. They passed through the VIP barrier, a few people greeted Steve. Until they got in a corridor and Steve opened a door. It really was an office, large, a desk and two chairs in front of it, a small couch and a coffee table on the other side of the room. Javier gave a few steps to the window, he could see the sea and the city lights, but he wasn’t exactly looking at the scenery. He was trying to puzzle what was happening. Taking a deep breath he turned to Steve, who was leaning on the desk, tumbler of whiskey on his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me what happened.” Javier demanded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you wired?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Javier said. Shaking his head. “But there are a few agents outside.” Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good... Luis Morales arrived Miami yesterday.” Steve said.  Javi hesitated: Luis Morales, was on the DEA most wanted list.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve started telling him about the Morales plans, like he was explaning Javier a simple DEA mission. Javier stared at him, listening to his low tone, as he took a few folders from a drawer. “This is what i wanted to show you...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier had enough of that chit chat. He grabbed Steve by the front of his shirt, and shook him, Steve flinched a bit, raising his hands, eyes wide, files falling on the desk and floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Is this why you brought me here?” Javier was angry. Steve tilted his head. Eyes serious. “You were gone for almost two years! Two fucking years... and now you come back, moving around in this fucking club like you fucking own it and you’re talking about Luis Morales?!...” he tried to make his tone serious, but even to his ears he sounded angry, disapointed. Javier didn’t know what to expect, but he wanted an explanation, something that would make sense why Steve had been missing all this time! He looked at his face, hand tight on his shirt.</p>
<p>Steve hesitated, his fingers softly closing around Javier’s wrist, “I know i owe you an explanation.” He said sofly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me.” Javier insisted, pacience running thin, pulling at his shirt hard. Steve looked down, body language closing up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “I’ve been around, in El Caos.” Steve said low. “I’m deep in it... Is that what you want to hear?” he raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier pulled him closer, “You disappeared...! we had no idea if you were even alive! I called you, i texted you... I... i needed to know you were alive...” he wispered the last words. Steve’s lips were in tight line. Javier almost drowned in the intensity of his blue eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry Javier... But right now, we’re in scheduled time... I wanted to pitch you in, in the information have so the DEA takes down Luis Morales...” Steve’s hand tightened on Javier’s wrist, not to hurt, a warning. Javier noticed suddenly how close they were. He let go of Steve’s shirt, but didn’t move his hand, it stayed open in his chest, thumb reaching skin above the collar. Javier felt sparks down his spine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I looked for you...” Javier confessed. Steve’s eyes got softer, his breath hitched a bit. He hesitantly touched Javier’s shoulder, sliding to the back of his neck, Steve’s hand was warm, and Javier wanted to hug him, so, so bad. Up close, Javier could see a scar on his jaw, another one on his neck. Javier moved his hand from his chest to try to touch his jaw, but Steve flinched, taking a deep breath and stopped touching Javier, he gave a step back and grabbed his wiskey glass taking a long sip of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know... but i couldn’t...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come back...” Javier interrupted him. Steve shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To...” Javier stared at him, was that a glance of hope?... or was he imagining stuff? “To us... talk to Messina.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve scoffed low. “I can’t.” His voice careful, he pointed at the paper sheets, gathering what fell from his hands. “Take pictures of the folders. Take it to Messina. I have more information to give you... but it has to be slow, I can’t...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re staying in Miami?” Javier asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, not sure for how long.” Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Rudo?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s in Colombia...” Steve said. “That’s why I reached for you. Supervision is...” he hesitated “...Less tight now...” he pointed to the files “Please, take pictures... I can’t give them to you..”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier nodded. He took a pictures of the folders, quietly, while Steve rounded the desk to lean on it, keeping his disntance from Javier.  “I’ll show this to Messina...” he murmured when he finished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good...” Steve finished his whiskey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve...” He called him softly. Steve stared at him. “...Why I have the feeling you’re negociating something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because I am...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the h...?” A loud knock on his door interrupted them. Javier cursed. Steve tensed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Time’s up... Look Jhavi...” the drawled nickname punched a hole in Javier’s soul, “This is complicated... I...” Steve shuffled on his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murphy! Gotta go!” A male voice caled from the other side of the door, iterrupting Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll text you the next meeting, I think ican get us somewhere more private. And we can talk...” he promissed “...now, ruffle your hair.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier stared at him, eyebrows raising in confusion. “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon...” Steve did it on his hair, “Open your shirt... a few buttons... rub your lips hard and... pinch your neck...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes at him. he pulled his shirt from inside his jeans and opened a few buttons. “Cause...” he pointed outside “They think you just sucked me off...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier was frozen for a moment, until he heard another impatient knock on the door. “C’mon Murph..! Put your dick back inside your pants.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, what?” Javier glanced at Steve, but he did what he was told, feeling stupid. Steve nodded at him. He pointed to Javi’s neck and Javi pinched it, making it red and rubbed is lips hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s something...” he looked suddenly embarassed “I do...” Steve moved to the door, opening it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier was stunned, he was not expecting that. He moved behind Steve. Steve was talking to a tall man, taking a cigarette fom his pack, he was chuckling. “Tell him i’m going... Jesus, can’t a guy take a fucking break?” he looked at Javier. “I’ll text you.” He mouthed. Javier nodded and the man at the dook led Javier out of the VIP area.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was utterly confused, probably even more than he was before. What kind of man Steve turned into? The fuck was he dealing with. What the fuck did He just got into? He leaned on the bar counter, dizzy. The barmaid stopped close. He looked at her and asked the price of the beer he drank before. She eyed him, his hair and his neck. Javi knew He must look convincing, hell, his hands were trembling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s on the house...” she smiled, but her face turned serious. She leaned closer. “So you know Murphy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... uh, kinda...” Javier nodded. “You?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She snorted. “I work here, he’s the head of security, of course I know him...” <em>Shit.</em> Javier agreed. What the actual fuck. “Want an advice? Don’t get yourself in this, honey. Run... He’s no good...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. “Everything takes longer than you think.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Messina was staring at Javier for five minutes now. Javier raised his eyebrows at her, it was creeping him out. He printed the pictures he took from Steve’s folders, including one he took discreetly: Steve leaning on the table, looking down side profile, tumbler on his hand., it was a hit blurry, but he was glad he took it, because he was almost convinced he alucinated the time he had been at the Coartada.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Say something.” Javier grumped to Messina. Carrillo scoffed behind him. Javier looked over his shoulder, making a face at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That doesn’t look like Steve.” Messina’s eyes on Steve’s picture. Javier rolled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is great information.” Carrillo enunciated, finger’s drumming on the table. “We can make a move... we got to grab this guy.” he pointed to a picture in the picture “...and work up to Morales.” Javier nodded. Carrillo, pratical as ever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So he gave you no explanation.” Messina commented, looking tired. Javier looked back a her, but she kept rambling “How the hell did he slip under our radars? And now he comes back, waltzing in the biggest club in Miami and... you said people greeted him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, the staff knows him...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Head of Security of that dirty club...?” Carrilho scoffed. Javier sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what the barmaid said... I mean, he said we’d meet again...  to explain me what happened...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You realise, all this information... doesn’t affect the Santamaria Cartel.” Carrillo noticed. Javi bit his lip. It had been one of the first things he realized. “He’s using us.” Carrillo said bluntly, he gave a step forward, shaking his head. “Looks like Mr Murphy really joined dark side.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier wanted to look offended at those words, but he wasn’t sure of Steve’s play. Javier gave a few steps back and sat down on the chair close to the wall. He lit up a cigarette and tried to look calm, his thoughts a mess, feeling drained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Messina and Carrillo started the plan to grab Morales. One hour later, the picture Javier took of Steve was on the board, his name written in red underneath it. No, not his name. Just his surname. Carrilho grabbed a few of the prints, and left the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. He looked at her. “I don’t want to believe he’s gone to... the dark side...” he repeated Carrillo’s words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have to admit it is suspicious...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I do, I know. But we had little time, maybe he was just giving us valuable information so we don’t give up on him...” Javier got up. Messina shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe... or maybe he’s manipulating you.” She countered, eyeing him, like she knew something he didn’t. Javier shook his head. Yeah, maybe, and that terrified him. “Did he contact you again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell him he looks like a douchbag villan from a comic movie.” She sighed, eyes on the picture. Javier snorted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, he didn’t. Steve looked hot, and it was bothering Javi like a damn stone inside his shoe. He couldn’t stop thinking about his warm skin under his thumb, his hand on the nape of his head. <em>Shit.</em> Was this new? This whole goosebumps thing on his skin when he though of Steve?</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p><em>No, it wasn’t.</em> A tiny voice told him. It was a really old feeling, one the repressed since ever. <em>Shit.</em> Javier went outside for a smoke. Remembering the long stake outs, the late nights, the drunken talks...</p>
<p>“Hey, we’re going to look for Johan Pallouro...” Carrillo passed by, throwing Javier his bullet proof vest, hitting Javier straight in the face. He pointed to green Hummer: “Get in loser, we’re going drug dealer hunting!”</p>
<p>Javier stood there for a moment, he recognized the name from Steve’s files...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wait, did Carrillo quoted some teen movie at him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve called on the next day, to set up a new meeting, at hotel. Once again, Javier found himself leaning on Messina’s book shelves while he watched Carrillo and Messina setting plans for the next raid. Javier was smoking quietly, agreeing with kost of what they asked him.</p>
<p>“You really don’t want back up?...” Carrillo asked suddenly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... it’s a hotel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can arrange a fake janitor or...” Messina said. Javier nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So his idea is to make you his... date for the night...?!” Carrillo snorted. Javier rolled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. I mean,yes... he said its the easy way to get inside his room...” Javier said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Makes sense...” Messina agreed, <em>God thank her</em>. “You did say that although he seemed at ease, that he had people on him...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah... like surveillence... Maybe Rudo doesn’t trust him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok, it could be.” Carrilho agreed, “But you’re too ugly to be an escort Peña.”Javier rolled his eyes at the jab. “I’m sorry, but I’m borderline impressed... our boy Steve went from perfect score DEA married to a girl agent, to bad el Caos asshole who fucks male escorts in hotels?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Horacio, please.” Messina sighed. Javier shook his head, hand on his hips, as he gave Carrilho a so done sideglance. Carrillo just snickered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He understood Steve’s excuse so Javi could go meet him without raising suspicion, it bothered him, it did, it seemed so out of caracter. Well, that whole ‘Caos Murphy’ was out of caracter. But it still had been a weird conversation to have on the phone:</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em> “C’mon Jhavi...”</em> Steve’s soft tone said. <em>“It’s the perfect disguise. Like this no one will question it... but you gotta look the part, so gotta dress a just bit sluttier than you usually do.”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just a bit... The fuck are you implying Murphy?” he just heard him laugh. Fuck you Steve. But he did what he was told and he put on his tightest jeans and shirt he owned. The leather jacket was a plus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was living a good life, the damn hotel he was in was a five stars one. Javier felt a bit out of place in the luxurious lobby. There was a man at the door, looking like a body guard. Without a word he gave a knock on the door behind him, and a minute later, Steve opened it, he smiled unabashedly, his hair was wet and his clothes were dark like the last time he saw him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey darlin’, fuck, you look hot... Come in...” the tone he used did things to Javier. The way he dragged the words. O<em>h, no.</em> Javier felt his stomach miss a step. He walked to Steve, feeling his face suddenly hot. Steve nodded at the man at the door and closed it. He turned to Javi, and smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry... you know...” he whispered, shrugging. Javier nodding, and gave him a discreet glance over, it was clear he just got out of a shower, his dark jeans looked soft and had a hole on his left knee, the damn tank top he was wearing was tight, and he still had droplets of water on his toned shoulders, and his arms had muscles he didn’t remember Steve having. <em>Fuck.</em> He still wondered how that happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Javi murmured. Steve gave him a look, letting his eyes slide on his frame. Javier rolled his eyes. “What? Not slutty enough?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I said nothing.” Steve chuckled mouth twitching. <em>Fucker.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you do this a lot?” It was a question that was burning inside Javier to ask. Steve hesitated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” He said curtly. “So what did Messina say?” he walked in what seemed to be a living room, big TV on the wall and a large dark couch, the french doors were open to what seemed a large balcony. Steve closed the doors. “Want a drink?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure. Messina, well...” he needed to be honest. “Carrillo thinks you’re using us...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve poured a glass of whiskey to Javier. Javier noticed it was his favourite brand. He smirked, handing him the glass. “Carrillo can smell us from afar...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier frowned at the use of ‘us’. “So its true.” Javi stared at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In a way.” Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck.” Javier whispered. He took a sip on the drink. “So, you are Caos... and you want Morales down because he’s a rival...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stared at Javi, nodding. “That’s one way to put it... But Morales is Santamaria Rival, not Caos... Elcaos are mercenaries.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck you Steve.” Javier sighed. Steve moved to the couch, and sat down, legs open, arm drapped on the back of the couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What, you don’t want honesty?” he asked. Javier sat on the coffee table, in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve eyed him, he leaned dangerously closer to Javi to grab his cigarette pack. Javier saw him lit up his cigarette, inhaling. “Santamaria wants their rivals off... So i’m here to, maybe... make a deal with you...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javi let his head down, anger rising. <em>Fuck.</em> “You’re fucking kidding me”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you go to Messina?” Javi was losing his temper. Steve just took his cigarette to his lips. He shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not DEA anymore... and, well, It’s you I need.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fuck are you talking about?” Javier stared at the man in front of him, the features were the same, the nose, the expressive eyebrows, the pretty lips, his eyes... The same blue that always disarmed Javier, but the warmth he usually found there was absent. Steve leaned closer to Javier, elbows on his knees, eyes on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fucking mission was a mistake since the begining... It was all planned. Rudo wanted a DEA agent in, he wanted a mole.” He hissed. Javier made a confused face. Steve rolled his eyes. “When they gave the info they wanted an american for the Caos, Rudo wanted you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah. He knew about your fucking stunt with the Norte Cartel...” He shook his head. “You don’t remeber that Jhavi?... Cause I do...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier was pinned under blue angered eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hell.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There it was, one foot in and other out he thought he had under control, he never really did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier remembered it alright. He and Steve were tasked to a case where they had to investigate a biker gang. Javier hated bikers. They trafficked drugs to Mexico, and had been tricking the police. But when they started investigating, it was a bigger hole than what they anticipated. The feared Norte Cartel were enemies of the Biker gang. When things went sideways and police and agents started being killed, Javier made a pact with the Devil, a pact he regretted so fucking much. He made a deal with the Norte. He traded information. They started winning over the biker gang. Until they were not. And the Norte, thinking Javier was withholding information, they kidnapped Steve, who was suspicious of Javier’s shit, but wasn’t sure. They tried to buy Steve, it didn’t work, but that left a clear message to Javier, they owned his ass, and they could ruin his DEA carrer. Thankfully it never got that far. But it stained his friendship with Steve, it took time for him trust Javier again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier couldn’t bare his eyes, he looked down, at his hands. Fuck, did that mean...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I made a mistake... I...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... a mistake is fucking your whore informants...” is tone was filed with disdain. Javier stared at him. That didn’t change. “the deal you made with the Norte Cartel make you known, asshole! Bribable DEA Agent...” he said mockingly, waving his hands like he was presenting a circus act. Javier shook his head, feeling guilty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So the Norte Cartel...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There is no Norte Cartel anymore... We, the Caos took them down...” he crossed his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“W-what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Information detained... You don’t need to worry about that...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Rudo knows...” Javier, grabbed the cigarrette from Steve’s hand. It was almost in the end, and took a drag of it, it was a familiar gesture, they shared a ton of cigarettes in the past. Steve’s face softened a bit, parted lips, eyes following Javier’s hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah...” he said low “He wanted you to be his mole inside the DEA... but it didn’t go as he wanted. So imagine Rudo’s surprise when he saw me. He knew about my kidnapping. He called me the Good Cop...” he scoffed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He could’ve killed you.” Javier shook his head. Finishing the cigarette. Steve shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He almost did.” he whispered. “I got myself in a reallly bad version of the Alice in Wonderland... Things went bad, got wild...” he hesitated, hands trembling a bit, “Until... I gave up...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You gave up...” Javier’s eyes rose to his face. “Steve... I...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “I made my peace with it...” Steve said, raising a hand. Javier was silent for a while, how did they do that? Steve was a good man... shit,  he let his eyes roam Steve’s face again, his soulders, his arm tattoo. Scars, there were scars. Feeling hollow, he grabbed Steve’s pack and lit up a cigarette.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So what’s your point here?... You contacted the DEA to make pretty for your employer?... You want back to be the mole?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve grabbed Javier’s wrist, and took a drag from the cigarette between Javi’s fingers. Javier’s eyes went to his sharp jaw, his neck, shoulder, itching to touch him. Steve smirked, like he knew what he was doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t contact the DEA, remember? I texted you... Rudo still wants you in...” He pressed his lips in a line, but when he spoke, it was in a maddening soft husky tone: “I’m here to blackmail you...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. “In case of doubt, make it sound convincing”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I lied.<br/>I thought this was going to be around 5/6 chapters, but i'm on the 8... and it's getting bigger somehow? So i have no prediction of how may chapters will be... i am a disgrace. xD<br/>Here's the new chapter. Hope you'll like it:-D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bar was almost empty, it was really late and a weekday. Javier was leaning back on the almost confortable sofa of the booth, finishing a cigarette. Carrillo was staring at him, frowning, Javier knew he was processing what he just told him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier didn’t had a lot of friends, and Horacio Carrillo was one of the oldest ones, and the only one he could tell him about what was happening. So he told him everything, the old stuff, the shit he done, the mistakes. It had been eight days since the last time he saw Steve, and Javier still hasn’t told Messina about the blackmail part. It was driving him crazy, so he decided to talk to someone. And Carrillo was that someone. Though he was starting to realize maybe it was a mistake. Carrillo seemed to be judging him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, he’s been treating you like an escort?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? From everything I told you... that’s what you retained?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, fuck you Peña... You really think i don’t know all of your shit?... of course i do.” Carrillo shook his head, grabbing a cigarette, Javier rolled his eyes at him. Yeah, Carrillo was a scary fucker. “But you get shit done...” Javier frowned. “...don’t look offended... It’s not my place to judge you... I’ve done worst.” Carrillo said casually, making a sign to the bartended for more beer. “Your mistake was not being careful... if Rudo knows... you might be fucked...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, thank you Horacio...” Javier sighed. He couldn’t take this to Messina, it would destroy his whole career... or worse, he would be arrested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I really thought Steve was dead. Like, almost two years ago dead.” Carrilho huffed, sipping on his beer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well he is not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That fucker...” Carrilho seemed impressed. “Did he tell you how he managed to lay low this whole time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not really, he seems to always be in a rush. It’s fishy you know... my first intinct is to trust him. It’s Steve... but...” he rubbed his face tiredly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The pen drive he gave you was good though... we shut down three labs. Arrested a good amount of perps...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Javier looked down. It had been a good week for the DEA. The information Stev gave them really helped. Still, it was not aimed at the Santamaria Cartel. But Messina saw it was a win. And even Carrillo seemed god with it. “He’s giving us all the Morales suff...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe he has a plan.” Carrillo shrugged “It’s Steve. He’s a hot head and can kill a bitch if the trafic is slow... but he can be methodic...” it was the first conforting thing Carrilo said, just to ruin it. “Or... he’s protecting his employer...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck...” Javier though of that. He just didn’t want it to be true.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean, he’s staying at a five stars hotel... shit. I would protect my employer too” he joked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It can’t be that easy Horacio... I know Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... you<em> knew</em> Steve...” Carrillo emphasized.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The damn Coartada was full, Javier walked in the middle of all that young people feeling super old. He got to the second floor and leane on the counter next to the VIP area. He asked the barman a beer and waited. He hated Steve, why meeting on he club again? Yeah, like he didn’t felt old enough. His eyes roamed the dance floor absently while sipping his beer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re here!” Javier looked at the girl who stopped by his side. She had dark hair and brown eyes, was dressed too simply to be at this kind of club: in jeans and a dark top. “Oh you don’t remember me!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,no... I do...” He pointed at the counter “you work here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gave him a smile. “You didn’t take my advise...”</p>
<p>He chuckled. <em>Shit.</em> He didn’t want to talk about that. So he shrugged and took a swig from his beer. He gave her a glance. “Want a beer?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, no. It’s almost my shift time... thank you.” She shook her head.  Javier hesitated, but maybe.<em> Huh</em>, he turned his body to her:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you know Steve...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She eyed him, raising an eyebrow “Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh... Murphy.” Javier looked at her, oh, she didn’t knew his name. “Murphy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded, leaning on the counter, brown eyes on him, “He’s the..”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Head of security, yeah.” He interrupted her. “...how long do you know him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hesitated. “A year maybe... I mean, i’m not friends with him... sometimes, he’s around, we talk about the weather and assholes that arrass barmaids... he helps, he is intimidating... and, come on, it’s impossible not to notice him, he’s a figure.” <em>Right.</em> Javier snorted. “Steve’s his first name?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier nodded. “What do you think of him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Asshole...” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong... But i’ve seen things.” She shrugged. Javier was itching to ask about that, she interrupted his thoughts. “You don’t look like an escort.”  her tone careful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Too ugly?” Javier joked, <em>damn you Carrillo</em>. Her eyes went wide.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, no... the opposite.” She shook her head. “...but, i’ve seen a lot... and you’re his type.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier felt like someone dropped something hot down his back. “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, pretty brown eyes and dark hair...” she glanced at the dancefloor. “Speak of the Devil.” Javier’s eyes followed her’s. Steve was in the middle of the dancefloor, but not dancing. He was standing there, talking to a man. Javier could see the top of his blond hair, bright lights moving on his skin. He was wearing a black t-shirt, his hair was messy, sunglasses on the top of his head. “Oh boy, you got it bad...” she sighed. Javier must’ve look offended because she rolled her eyes at him. “But it’s the second time i see you here... he never repeats his... meetings. If you’re here just looking for him... I must warn you...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no... I... He knows i’m here.” He almost cringed at how fast he said that, like he needed to justify himself. She gave him a hesitant smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s a first... I gotta go... see you...” And she left him alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier almost gulped his beer in one go. His body warm. He glanced at the dancefloor and he lost Steve, where did the fucker go? He though of her works. He didn’t had it bad! What the hell was she talking about?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey darlin’!” Oh, a shiver went down Javier’s back. Steve was by his side, smile on his lips. He looked a bit sweaty, and it wasn’t fair how good he looked. <em>Shit.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Idiota.” Javier mumbled. Steve rolled his eyes playfully, put an arm around his shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come... let me show you. I’m finally settled.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They entered an elevator, Steve crowded him against the mirror wall. “The hell you’re doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Elevator has cameras.” Steve said like it was obvious, voice really close to Javier’s ear. “Put your arm around me... at least pretend...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pretend. <em>Yeah.</em> Javier closed his eyes. Feeling Steve’s chest against himself, “You rub yourself on all your escorts in the elevator?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah... I do” Steve snorted, “Believe me this is nothing.” His nose rubbed on Javier’s cheekbone. One of his big hands sliding from Javier’s back to his hair. Javier shivered. “It bothers you?” Javier could feel the warmth of his mouth on his skin. He was trying to understand why his breath stuttered like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You all over me?... Well Steve...” He tried to sound stern, hand on Steve’s shoulder, fingers tightening on pale skin. He turned his head, and Steve’s mouth was on his cheek. Javier gulped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, that I fuck escorts...” Steve murmured. Javier moved his head to look at him, they were too close, Steve’s blue eyes moved on Javier’s face, stopped at his lips. Javier licked his lips in anticipation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The elevator doors opened, breaking what ever was hapening there. Steve gave a step behind. Javier frowned at him. <em>What the hell?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were in a big room, a big desk against the wall, shelves with files, a few LCD’s on the wall.  Showing some spots of the club.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is my office, Come...” Oh, yeah, Head of security. Right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was waiting for him at a open door. Javier followed him. As soon as Steve closed the door behind him, he sighed. Leaning on it for a moment, looking like tension was leaving his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You live here?” Javier was looking around, it was a big apartment, open space, large windows. The music from the club downstairs really muffled now. He eyed the Star Wars poster on the wall over a big LCD TV. His large dark corner-couch looked confortable, the armchair close to the window was a reclinable one, had a book on it. A pillow was on the floor. He kept eyeing the room and could see behind the arch a bedroom, on the other side of the room a counter and the kitchen zone. It was a really great place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You went on a raid.” Steve said. The flirty tone gone. Javier looked at him, coming back to reality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? The fuck Murphy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Carrillo can do it... at least as long as we have this arragement. Some of that men come to this club... If they see you. They’ll know. We can’t have that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not sure i can avoid it...” Javier said. “Do we have time now? Or you need to be somewhere else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m free.” Steve nodded. “Want to drink something?” He pointed to the fridge. Javier shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Sit you ass down and you’re gonna talk to me.” Javier was done. Steve hesitated, giving him an almot quizzical look, and he did as he was told: he sat down in the middle of the couch, looking like a damn renascentist sculpture and looked up, blue eyes dark, legs opening to get confortable on the leather couch, one of his boots propped on the coffee table, he took his cigarette pack from his pocket and lit up a cigarette.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tonight, I’m all yours.” His husky tone made Javier question all his morals.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe he did had it bad.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. “if you fool with something long enough it will break”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Javier stared at Steve, shaking his head, not believing it, how could he handle the flirty tone?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How about you tell me what really happened while you were gone?” Javier sat on the armchair it was far enough from Steve, but in front of him where he could see his face. The room was almost dark, light came from the large windows, it was a full moon outside. Steve sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you. They got me, they knew who i was...” Steve took a drag from his cigarette. Javier shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, you told me that... but I don’t understand why you stopped contacting us... me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok...” he hesitated,  “so, I texted you about the pen drive at the bus station lockers... right?” he recalled, Javier nodded. He remembered it. “I spent the next days hanging by my wrists in a dark room as they took turns to use me as a punching bag.” His tone was weirdly even, like he was telling Javier the plot of a movie he saw the last night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You heard me.” Steve said. “Then they closed me in a cold dark place, and fed me watery soup for a few time... let me heal, to repeat the all process...” he absently started rubbing his left wrist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jesus Steve...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You asked.” He shrugged. “I couldn’t reach a phone or a computer...!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes... but after that... How... How did you...” Javier stuttered. Steve sighed again, he got up from the couch to grab the bottle of whiskey that was on a small table by the wall. Javier raised from the armchair and took the bottle from his hand. “No drinking... I want you sober.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit Jhavi.” He complained, hands going through his blond hair, messing it up even more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were gone for two years...” Javier said softly “some of us thought you were dead...! And...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you?” Steve interrupted him. Javier straightened his back, eyes on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t know what to think.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You kept the check point number active.” Steve stated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is not about me, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve barked a loud humorless laugh, he took the bottle from Javier’s hand, opening it,taking a long sip from it. Javier stared at his throat, mesmerized.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re wrong.” Steve mumbled. “It’s all about you. They questioned me about the DEA. About my work, about you... Rudo himself showed me the shit you done with the Norte Cartel... all the information, pictures. He tried to make me hate you. For the lies, for the kidnapping. For letting me take the undercover job...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That wasn’t my fault!” Javier let his tone up. Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah... That was me...” Steve nodded. “I had my reasons... but yeah... it was dumb me.” Steve sat down again, putting the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier knew Steve, this was him closing up, he would probably change subject or make an excuse to throw Javier out. He needed to change tactics. Javier moved closer, and sat on the coffee table in front of him, like he did at the hotel. Steve’s eyes followed his movements, as Javier took a sip from the expensive drink and grabbed Steve’s cigarette pack to lit up one, they stayed silent for a while. Javier reached for him, grabbing his right hand, Javier didn’t look up, he couldn’t. His fingers caressed Steve’s palm, and he felt a few bumps of scars on his wrist, where his skin clearly opened from the bounds. Javier felt like crying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell me more.” He asked low, his fingers moved up his arm, where Steve had a few more scars. And Steve told him: all the torture, all the hunger, thirst he endured. How he started exercising when they put him inside the damn cell for weeks to keep sane.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They chain smoked, sharing each cigarette. But still, Steve was not telling him what made him really crack, why he joined the Caos.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... so, they ended up training you. Letting you in their ranks... head of security?” Javier said. Steve nodded. “Now, you want to use the DEA to eliminate the Santamaria Cartel rivals...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They pay good money...” Steve shrugged. Javier sighed. That didn’t sound like Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... and Rudo wants me in.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He thinks you’re easy to manipulate.” Steve leaned back, on the couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I say no?” Javier finished the cigarette, grabbing the bottle again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No?... Oh, Darlin’, you’re practically working for me...” he gave Javier a half smirk “How many Labs you closed..? And how many drug traffickers you arrested since I came back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Fuck.</em> He was right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re loyal to them... after all the shit they made you go through.” Javier whispered. He still had his left hand on Steve’s arm. Steve nodded, shifting on the sofa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to.” He said as matter of fact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No you don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, But i do.” He said, blue eyes on Javier, looking conflicted, taking a deep breath. “You see, I have no choice.” He leaned forward, their legs were touching, Steve’s hands grabbed Javier’s knees, pulling him forward. Javier almost lost balance, he grabbed Steve’s shoulder, and didn’t move from the awkward position, they were close, it was just a tiny jump and he would be on Steve’s lap. This was wrong.</p>
<p>He understood, the Caos must have dirt on him, they were surely blackmailing him, keeping him on his toes. “So, all of this meetings... were planned?... Rudo told you to do this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not exactly, I was supposed to wait for him arrive to contact you.” He confessed, looking down “...but I told him the DEA was under my thumb and the rival cartel was falling...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait... You didn’t tell him about me...?” Javier stared at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t.” Steve murmured, licking his lips “I thought... if i convinced him we didn’t need you...  he’d let you be...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I couldn’t contact Carrillo...” Steve said like it was obvious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not... Your staff saw me...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They think you’re an escort... no one knows who you are.” Steve shrugged. Javier bit his lip, shaking his head. This was not what he expected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, the hell you’re doing Steve?” Javier touched his chin, Steve looked at him, faltering a bit, he leaned on Javier’s touch, closing his eyes, Javier caressed his face, thumb making soft circles on his cheekbone, forehead leaning on his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have no idea.” Steve murmured.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do they have on you Steve?” Javier asked.</p>
<p>Steve opened his eyes, darker than Javier ever seem and he grabbed Javier, pulling him impossible closer, mouth on his lips, roughly moving like the apocalypse was at their door. Javier felt like he was being devoured. His hands flew to Steve’s hair, tasting his angry mouth, the urgent need. He was dizzy, feeling Steve’s hands pulling him up his lap, leaning back on the couch, flushed against each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Javier was lost, realizing how wrong he was about how he felt about Steve, all his <em>‘I’m not jealous he has Connie’</em>, so he convinced himself he was jealous of the relationship they had.</p>
<p><em>Oh, Javier was so wrong</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was jealous she had Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Did He want Steve for himself?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s arm was tight around Javier’s waist now, his hand slid under his shirt, blunt nails dragging on his side, mouth wet on his neck, moving to his lips again. Javier moaned, instinctively moving his hips against him, making him groan inside his mouth. His hands tightened, pulling Javier harder against his body.</p>
<p>Javier wanted to touch him, he grabbed his tank top and helped Steve out of it. He was perfect, toned, warm soft skin. He let his hand roam on his chest, finger connecting the small freckles close to his nipples, kissing his collarbone, lost in a moment on how beautiful he was.</p>
<p>Javier looked up at his face and he almost regretted it, Steve was too close, eyes on Javier’s face. Rolling his hips slow, oh, so slow under Javier. Javier leaned on him, feeling him turn his face to slot his mouth on his jaw, wet lips slow moving against his skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier needed to stop, this was too much, too quickly, when he still wanted answers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve...” he moved his hand and grabbed Steve’s jaw forcefully. Steve whimpered, and rolled his hips again, closing his eyes, opening his mouth where one of Javier’s fingers slid easily. “Fuck…” Javier moaned, mesmerized by the sight of Steve’s plump lips around his thumb, sucking slow, letting it out with a soft pop, like a fucking porn star wannabe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one should be that pretty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>No one</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck Jahvi...” He kissed Javier’s mouth again. And Javier felt like he was suddenly having an out of body experience, one that his brain melted and could not stop moving against Steve, like he needed it to survive. His body was tingling in all possible ways. Javier closed his eyes, while he was savoring every twitch of Steve’s hips, every moan and grunt he made. He wanted nothing more than open Steve’s jeans and touch him, get him naked and...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But no.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier stopped moving. One hand on the middle of Steve’s chest. Pushing him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve looked up at him. <em>Jesus fuck</em>. His mouth was obscenely red and wet, pupils dilated in a pool of lust, shoulder muscles tense, jeans looking so tight on the crotch area, it seemed to hurt. His breath was completely out of control. He looked on edge. <em>Perfectly debauched.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier moved back to the table again, Steve’s hands hesitated on his thighs, like he didn’t want to let him go, but he did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s hands went to his blond hair messing it even more, as he leaned back on the couch, looking up, he rubbed his face and cursed in frustration.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier got up, legs wobbling a bit, he needed to be far from Steve or he wouldn’t be able to think. He glanced at the couch. Steve was now leaning forward, elbows on his knees, face hidden in his hands. And Javier knew why Rudo sent Steve to blackmail him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He would do anything for Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this part of the plan?” Javier asked. He knew it was the wrong thing to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s looked at him, a blank expression on his face that changed to pure rage. He moved fast, grabbing Javier by his shirt and threw him against the wall, rattling his whole body. Javier was filled with a weird <em>deja vu</em>, the same situation a life time ago. Steve’s anger after coming back from being kidnapped by the Norte Cartel, his anger to know Javier was in deep shit. Slamming Javier’s back against the wall, calling him reckless, idiot, and that he would not be dragged in his shit. But this was different. This was not the same hurt Steve, this was a tormented man, and Javier was still trying to pinpoint him.</p>
<p>He punched the wall really close to Javier’s head, his fist going through it.</p>
<p>“It’s you. It’s all you. It always been you.” He snarled. “Fuck.” He turned his back and let Javier alone in the living room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The heavy confession made Javier slid down the wall, sitting on the cold floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Should I be apologizing? no?... ok.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. “If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I know the FBI got a lead. Don’t go to the docks. Please.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier showed the text to Messina. She said she couldn’t do anything, the raid was happening, it was out of her hands. So the next night, Javier was inside the Hummer while Carrillo was driving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When was the last time the fucker texted?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A week ago.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Was that the last time you talked to him?” Carrillo asked. Javier nodded. Carrillo made a disapproving sound. “So no new information for a while, and now that we have a lead, he tries to stop us?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “I don’t know what his plan is...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did he really miss the last encounter?” Carrillo asked. Javier gave him a side glance. He had been talking to Messina for sure. “C’mon, you’re not talking to Messina here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. I saw him.” Javier sighed. “We argued.” He said simply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oversimplification was not the right way to classify that night. Still, it was how he could explain it to Carrillo. How could he explain the way he lost it? The way his hands were imprinted on Javier’s body and soul. The warmth of his body. His maddening wet mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His rage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His disappointment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The empty words after; as he told Javier he was expected to sleep there. He told him to sleep on his bed, and he’d sleep on the couch. Javier refused, and left. Feeling empty, wishing the kiss didn’t happen. How could he bare look at Steve again, now that Javier knew what his mouth tasted like?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?” Carrillo pulled him out of his thoughts. Javier shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Different point of views.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo scoffed at him, but they had not time to continue talking as they arrived the docks. It was a hot night, Javier got out of the car tightening his bullet proof vest, checking his gun again, he could see Carrillo a few steps ahead, the FBI was already there, looking in place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It seems quiet.” Carrillo said to Javier as he approached the FBI. Javier stared at the docks, Carrillo was right, it looked quiet, there was no wind, and the boats on the water looked eerily still, the warehouses dark.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo got back to Javier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’re going in... looks like the...” he didn’t finish what he was saying: an explosion surprised them, Javier immediately got down on his knees, gabbing his gun, shrapnel flying over their heads. His ears were buzzing; he looked at Carrillo in panic, his bullet proof vest feeling heavy on his chest. Carrillo looked over his shoulder. Javier nodded at him, they were not injured.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone from the FBI was barking orders. They moved cautiously, swiftly, Javier followed Carrillo, gunshots could be heard, people yelling. Javier leaned on the metal wall, close to Carrillo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fuck they saying?” he asked at Carrillo, his ears still tingling a bit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The FBI didn’t do a thing. It exploded before they entered...” He had the walkie-talkie close to his ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fuck?” Javier looked over Carrillo’s shoulder. There was fire close, louder gunshots and Spanish curses being yelled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier heard the sound of a shot-gun. <em>What.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s go...” Carrillo moved. They already did this a million times; Javier knew how Carrillo worked, so he followed him, laying low.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the FBI was moving backwards, Javier could heard them yelling, someone was asking for medical help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fuck is going on?” Javier grabbed the arm of a FBI colleague.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fucking Chaos are here!” the man looked scared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What? Oh no.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo looked at Javier with wide eyes. Javier cursed. They kept moving forward, until someone shot at them. They hid as it rain bullets over their heads, they fired back a few times. Until a new waves of shots were heard, but none of it were aimed at Javier and Carrillo. They traded a looked and Carrillo raised his head from where they were hiding. His hand hit blindly on Javier’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Javier had to move his head or Carrillo would hit him in his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck.” Carrillo mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier moved, hand on Carrillo’s shoulder. They could see a group of men, firing a few shots, one of them was dragging a man: Javier knew him; he was on the DEA board. Bernardo Juarez, the owner of a few small clubs, suspected of working for Morales, laundry of money and owner of the warehouses they were in right now. A tall man got closer to Juarez, who was now being held by two men and Javier froze.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was talking, moving his head in that way Javier recognized as saying something really obvious. Javier could see the sass in his body language. Then he gave a few steps, turning his back to Juarez, his hand moved as he seemed to be explaining something. Javier wished he could hear him and his mockingly tone, accent making his words sound like honey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s Murphy.” Carrillo mumbled. <em>Yeah, that was Steve Motherfucking Murphy.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Call off the raid.” Javier warned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You fucking kidding me? That’s El Caos caught in the act...!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit, this was a bad idea...! Steve warned us...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because the fucker was gonna be here! That’s why he didn’t want us here!” Carrillo cocked his gun. “We need to act...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier looked over, Steve moved closer to the man, who seemed to be pleading. Now Javier could see his whole body: dressed in all black, cargo pants looking tight. Was Javier seeing shoulder and thigh holsters? And what looked like a short pump shotgun hanging on his hip? <em>Shit. </em>That should not be as sexy as it was.</p>
<p> Steve was grabbing the man’s shirt, now he looked angry, blond hair in a disarray.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier grabbed Carrillo’s elbow when Steve pulled a handgun from his shoulder holster and put it against Juarez face. He was close to the other man, something Javier saw him do a few times, it usually came with a chilling warning and a punch.</p>
<p>“Oh, that looks like our unhinged boy...” Carrillo joked; he gave a few instructions on the radio to stand by, and then the shot reverberated inside the warehouse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier froze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit...” Carrillo’s eyes were wide. Juarez was limp in the other two man’s arms. Steve was shaking his head like he was disappointed, putting the gun away. Javier could see the blood splatter on Steve’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The FBI went in, in offensive, and Javier lost sight of Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh this was fucking mess. He should’ve heard Steve, and never set foot on that fucking place. The next few moments were messy, Javier was trying to locate Steve, between people running, bullets and fire, it became a little hard. The loud sound of a shot-gun made him stop. <em>Shit</em>. He didn’t warn Carrillo, he ran towards the sound like the stupid idiot he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Javi! Come back!” He heard Carrillo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Outside, Steve had his boot over the chest of an FBI agent. Javier pointed his gun at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murphy!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The FBI agent was clearly hurt; Steve looked up, pointing his shotgun at the poor bastard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve had rubbed the blood from his face, skin still stained. His bottom lip had an ugly wound, bleeding down his chin. He looked wild, angry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There, for a moment, Javier didn’t recognize Steve Murphy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I warned you Javier!” he leaned and hit the agent on his face with the shotgun’s breech, knocking him out, the shotgun moved to Javier’s direction, he pumped it, ready to fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve...” He whispered, feeling his heart beating in his throat. This could not be happening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The fuck did I asked you Javier?” he snapped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve..!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not the fucking docks, I even asked nice...” he tilted his head, jaw tight in anger, blue eyes blazing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know I don’t... it was not my decision!” he heard movement behind him. “Stop Steve!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Too late.” Steve snarled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The shot was fired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh... i'm sorry?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. “Smile, Tomorrow will be worse.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve Murphy rarely missed a shot. Javier recalled that day they went to a shooting range, it was a DEA kind of meeting, lunch between colleagues and having fun at shooting plates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier’s aim was good thank you very much, but at fast moving plates? Fuck, shit was hard. But not for Steve, he even tried to teach Javier how to do it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It needs patience, gotta wait for the right time. The tempo of it.” He explained. Javier rolled his eyes at him, as Steve took the rifle off his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Patience?... that’s rich coming from you.” Javier said. Steve jokingly made an offended face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In 10 plates I missed 1... You missed 7...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you trying to say I’m a lousy shot?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. I am saying that. Shit shot.” Steve said with a half-smile, getting ready to shot again. A red plate went flying, Steve moved with precision and he didn’t miss it. He smirked at Javier, playfully patted his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ever been duck huntin’?” He moved to the table to grab a beer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “No, I have not been duck hunting...” Javier sighed. “You... fucking hillbilly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, if Steve missed vital parts, it was on purpose. Steve shot Carrillo on his bullet-proof vest, no big damage, except that being shot by a shot-gun was no fun. A shot-gun shot had the tendency to open in shrapnel. Carrillo fell down with the impact, scrapped his elbows and hit is head, and ended with a few small wounds in his arms. Javier was hit too, on his left arm, it was barely a thing.</p>
<p> After being looked by a paramedic, Javier was leaning on the ambulance side, his head a mess, angry smoking a cigarette. He was still trying to process what he saw. One thing was the thought of Steve working with a group of mercenaries; the other was seeing the man in action. It was scary how at ease he seemed. He grabbed his phone an sent a text to Steve. It was the third one. He was worried, and angry, so damn angry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” Carrillo’s voice called him from inside the ambulance “They want to take me to the hospital… to do an x-ray, just to be sure everything’s ok. I swear to you, if I broke anything, I’ll kill the goddamn bastard... I’m going to be a walking bruise tomorrow…” he sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He could’ve killed me.” Carrillo seemed impressed, pissed but impressed. Javier nodded. “He is protecting those motherfucking assholes isn’t he? Cause that... That was not Murphy! That was a fucking mercenary who shot a man in the face... ok; he killed a criminal, but yeah... ”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know” Javier said. Carrillo sighed; Javier knew he was thinking Javier was a lost cause.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know... yeah... The FBI probably saw him; they have cameras on their vests... I bet they are already running his face on the system... and that doesn’t bode well for him.” Carrillo shook his head. “He should be helping us dismantle the Caos and the fucking Santamaria Cartel!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“The hell you want?” </em>Steve finally answered. Javier stared at the text.</p>
<p><em>Th</em><em>is motherfucker</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>This crazy unhinged son of a bitch.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “You should debrief with Messina, Javier.”  Carrillo said. “You ok?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. I need to do something first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re going after him.” It wasn't a question. Carrillo obviously didn't approve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. I should drag his sorry ass to the DEA headquarters and let Messina handle him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo snorted, groaning in pain after. “Maybe you should... please tell him i want to kill him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, about that... I will kill him first, sorry Horacio.” Javier grabbed his phone. “I’ll check on you later. Hey! I’m taking the Hummer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keys.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon... they’re taking you to the hospital. I’ll take the damn car to headquarters.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One scratch and you’re fucked.” He threw the keys to Javier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He got to the car, taking a deep breath before calling him. It took a while for Steve to answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The hell do I want?? Really?! The fuck Murphy?!” Javier didn’t let him speak as soon as he picked the phone. “Carrillo is on his way to the hospital...” the line was silent. “...and what the fuck was all that show? Huh?... Murphy?... Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Where are you?” </em>Steve sounded contained. M<em>otherfucker</em><em>.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I’m still at the docks. Where the fuck are you? I’m coming to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“No. Go home. We’ll talk later.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. I'm going to the Coartada.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jahvi.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“It's three in the morning so it’s still open... I kick your security team to get to you if i have to Steve.” He heard Steve sigh and hang up the phone. <em>Rude asshole.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>He drove to the Coartada. As usual the club was full, the music loud as ever. Javier tried to move swiftly, at the second floor, the girl he knew was not working. He thought of calling Steve again. But the club was too damn loud. <em>Shit. </em>Until the security guard waved at him, he knew him, it was the guy who led him outside whenever he went there. He got closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murph said to let you in.” The man said. Javier nodded. “He’s not home, I’ll let you in, and you’ll have to wait for him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That had been an awkward elevator travel. The guy was trying hard not to stare at Javier. He let him in the apartment:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Javier mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The security guard closed the door and Javier relaxed. The place was quiet, dark; he didn’t know where the light switch was. Turning his phone on, he found one. He opted to turn on the living room one, it was a soft light, but it was enough. He would probably wait for him on his couch. He stared at the couch for a moment, and remembered the kiss. That goddamn kiss...  and his eyes fell on the hole on the wall. <em>Shit.</em> He needed a drink, taking off his jacket, he moved to the kitchen, opening his fridge. Steve had a few food containers, strawberry yogurts, cheese and beer.</p>
<p>Javier made himself at home and grabbed one, searching for the bottle opener. When he realized, some things never changed, the bottle opener was hanging on a knob of the cabinet. Just like he had in the old apartment when he liver over Javier, he leaned on the counter, melancholy dripping on his chest, a deep yearning filling him like he never felt before. He opened the beer and stared at the window. It looked like it was going to rain. He was so angry at Steve. He was still thinking about what he wanted to yell at him, when he heard the door opening and heavy steps<em>.</em></p>
<p>Javier didn’t move, giving a long gulp on his beer. Steve stopped on the other side of the room, eyes wild, his energy all over the place, chaos involving him. Javier gapped at him. Steve was still in his damn merc clothes, shoulder and thigh holsters still on with his guns. Javier noticed he cleaned the blood from his face and hair, but his clothes were still dirty. He had a few butterfly stiches on his right eyebrow and on the skin under his bottom lip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should not be here.” his tone was strained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You almost killed Horacio...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Almost being the key word.” He moved tensely, jaw clenching. “I told you not to go to the docks.” He said between teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't stop doing my work.” He drank the rest of the beer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should’ve listened to me.” Steve gave a step forward. Javier eyed him, measuring him, realizing how unpredictable he seemed now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ok, Steve Murphy has always been somewhat a wild card. On good early days he had been this contained person, a few years later of dealing with the shit of being DEA, he changed, it roughened him up, but Javier always prided himself of knowing the signs, the way his mouth twitched or how he clenched and unclenched his hands, the roll of shoulders, before a burst out.  But not now, the man in front of him gave him nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know the FBI probably has a recording of you?” Javier tried. Steve made a sound on his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. They don’t.” <em> Cocky. </em> He gave a few steps towards Javier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I am fucking sure, unlike you; I cover my fucking tracks... I’ve been here in fucking Miami a thousand of times and you had no fucking clue!” he spat. Oh, that jab. Javier tried not to react. That fucking hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You fucking asshole.” Javier breathed; he put the bottle in the trash and moved to grab another. “Horacio went to the hospital,” he said eyes on the task of opening the bottle. “An X-ray was needed... he’s pissed at you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Better pissed than dead.” his voice low. Javier didn’t look up, sighing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.” Javier agreed. Hand tight around the bottle, he wanted to vent at him, yell at him. He hesitated, eyeing him carefully. “We need to establish where we are, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In my apartment, and you're drinking my expensive beers...” he was now closer to the counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you kill Juarez?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Someone had to.” He said like it was obvious. Javier felt anger bubbling inside of him. He was tired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck you Steve! Give me a damn straight answer for once!” He gave a step forward, face to face with him. Steve moved suddenly, grabbing Javier’s arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you not to go... what the fuck were you expecting?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let go of my arm.” Javier asked. Steve's jaw twitched, eyes serious, and stopped touching him, but he didn’t move from where he was standing now. <em>Too close.</em> “I don’t know what I expected, maybe not you playing Merc...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, darlin’ I’m not playing.” Steve hissed. Javier felt it like a punch in the gut. He tried to move past him, but Steve put one arm in front of him. “What were you expecting? You come here, demanding answers all the time. I told you what I could... I’m trying... I’m trying to keep you from... keep you safe...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, your plan has a fucking flaw. If you wanted me safe, why am I here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve looked taken aback for a moment. Bad Boy mask falling for a moment. “I-i...” he hesitated, looking hurt. “I should've stay away.” his voice barely a whisper. Javier shook his head;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t need this bullshit.” He pushed Steve’s arm, but Steve pinned his body against the counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen to me...” Steve snapped. “I mi-...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier didn’t know where he got the will but, he punched Steve, square on his jaw, making him give a step backwards, opening the butterfly-stiches he had under his lip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck you.” Javier straightened his back, eyes on him. Steve touched the open wound, it was bleeding again, he stared at his bloody fingers and in a beat of a moment, he grabbed Javier’s arm, twisting it on his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Next time, punch harder.” He pressed Javier against the counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier took a deep breath<em>. Shit, shit, shit. </em>“Steve…” He tried to move, but it hurt, he hissed in pain. “You’re hurting me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Stop moving then!” He shook Javier, who gulped. Javier was now aware of all his body, regretting how he’d been ignoring all the fucking red-flags all this time. <em>Stupid. </em>The man had been nothing but infuriating, all those mixed signals and fucking murder!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>All because it was Steve.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve, who used to wear stupid striped polo-shirts. Steve, who sometimes came to the office with his jaw nicked from shaving. Who had a favorite pen tucked in his polo pocket and drank shitty expensive coffee...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can leave Miami. Do you want me to leave?” Steve asked, his voice cracked in the last word.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, I don't want you to leave.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Javier kept his mouth shut. Steve moved, letting go his arm. This was too much, he could feel the warmth of Steve's body, the heavy way he was breathing in his neck, his hands...</p>
<p>Javier exhaled; trying to control his body. The hell was he doing? Javier was supposed to be mad at him, to yell at him... not to feel intoxicated by the touch of his body. Steve stopped pressing him against the counter. Javier moved to look at him, concern written all over Steve’s face, his bottom lip trembling a bit, jaw stained with blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Javier's breaking point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So what do you guys think?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. “If it hurts today, tomorrow will be unbearable.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier was saying goodbye to one of his hook-ups at his door when Steve was climbing up the stairs.</p>
<p>“Adiós, cariño…”He said. She smiled sweetly, and almost jumped when she saw Steve at the corner, she passed by him saying a soft '<em>Good Morning'</em> that he ignored, he had two cups of that nasty sweet coffee of his on his hands and a bewildered look on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That was...?” Steve stopped in front of his door. Javier raised his eyebrows at him, questioningly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She was at the brothel we raided the other day... she's an informant.” Steve stated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you're fucking her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That would be very unprofessional...”Javier rolled his eyes at him, taking a cigarette from his pack. Steve shook his head, looking pissed. “It bothers you?” Javier asked without thinking. Steve jaw clenched angrily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... You do whatever the fuck you want, but you were fucking loud last night. You should tone it down.” He said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jealous?” Javier smirked. Steve huffed, looking almost offended.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m jealous that you fuck prostitutes…” he rolled his eyes. “The walls are fucking thin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier stared at him, and eyed the cups of coffee; he knew the almond one was for Connie, so he took the other one and closed the door on Steve's face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not that Javier was fucking a lot of prostitutes; he knew a few and only went to bed with one or two. They moved in circles they didn’t had access, so if treating them good meant helping his work and getting laid. Oh well. He was up to it. He even got one of those girls in witness protection, recently.</p>
<p>Ok, Javier knew it was wrong. Steve disapproved it, Carrillo didn’t give a fuck, and Messina didn’t know. Javier was single, and in his line of work things didn’t work as he wanted, and he didn’t have time for a girlfriend!</p>
<p> Damn Steve and his too correct ways, and his <em>oh</em>, so correct relationship, It pissed him off! He took a sip from the coffee cup, frowning. <em>Ew.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Vanilla coffee? <em>Fuck you Steve.</em> Even his motherfucking coffee was boring.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, it was the first time he heard Connie moaning that loud. The walls were fucking thin, alright. Hearing the way Connie was moaning his name... <em>Jesus Steve, </em>was he trying to prove something?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier didn't know exactly what he expected when he grabbed him by the front of his t-shirt to pull him into a kiss, maybe an effusive one, like the one that happened on the couch, or maybe a softer one? <em>Nah. </em>Steve Murphy was a damn hurricane, who kissed him back with wet mouth and sharp teeth, arms around Javier's frame like he didn't want him to ever leave.</p>
<p>They moved across the room to the bedroom, Javier's brain barely registered the moment he lost his t-shirt, just that his mouth was warm and his large hands maddening. His back hit the bed, he looked up, breathless. Steve was watching him with a predatory look in his eyes. Lust clouding Javier's mind, he pulled him closer, letting Steve kiss him aggressively.</p>
<p>Javier grabbed Steve by his shoulder holster to ground himself, as being almost devoured; Steve kissed and licked the skin of his chest, collarbone and neck.</p>
<p>Steve raised his head, blue eyes wild with want; he leaned to kiss Javier on his mouth. Javier put his free hand on his chest. Steve stopped moving, watching him closely. Javier's hand slid up, touching his collarbone, fingers rounding the curve of his throat, curling against the back of his neck. Javier wanted to look at him, take in the lines of his face, the shade of his blue eyes, and the red of his lips. Javier caressed his cheekbone, Steve’s breath stuttered. Javier’s hand lingered on his face, thumb on his bottom lip. Thinking how damn beautiful he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're serious? You’d leave if I asked you to?” the question left his lips even before he thought about it. Steve hesitated. He leaned on his elbow, and nodded, golden hair falling on his forehead. Javier shook his head, and his mouth crashed again into Steve’s, letting his frustration flow, his fingers closing hard on his hair,   he demanded more, opening his mouth, deepening the kiss. Steve's tongue tasted like coffee and smoke, and Javier loved it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck Jhavi…” Steve whispered. Javier let his mouth against his, he couldn’t stop now. "I... don't... I'm not kissing you with second intentions..." Steve's voice was barely a whisper. Javier raised an eyebrow at him. Steve rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're not kissing me. I'm kissing you." Javier whispered, mouth sliding on his, licking the corner of his mouth. Steve’s lips formed a clear ‘<em>oh’</em>, he moved his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that so?” He asked, lips brushing against Javier's, his hands caressing his neck, shoulders. Javier hummed softly against his mouth. Their bodies were so close, Steve not quite pressing against him, just touching, blue eyes intense, one hand stopping on his ribs, over his shirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah...” Javier whispered. He knew he didn't sound so sure. Steve almost snorted, weight of his body shoving in, hips dragging, thigh riding up between Javier’s. <em>Oh, shit.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you’re in charge?” He asked low, hands sliding to his hips. Javier nodded, fingers squeezing along the line of Steve’s shoulders, pulling him against his body. Steve kissed his mouth in a wicked glide and tangle of feelings, grabbing Javier by his hips. Javier almost moaned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I am... You’ve been a bad boy... wicked even...” Javier whispered. Steve smirked like he liked what he was hearing. Javier’s fingers followed the line of Steve’s shoulder holster, hand over his gun; he wanted to help him out of the holster.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You gonna take my gun?” Steve smirked, tongue peeking between his teeth. Javier hesitated, and he pulled the gun out. The weight of it told him it still had a few bullets in the chamber, gun barrel sliding on Steve’s jaw, stopping by his chin. Steve bit his own lips, eyes glinting with mischief. He could feel the hot, hard line of Steve’s dick rubbing against his through their clothes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now what?” Javier asked, almost like a dare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you want?” Steve purred, chest heaving, he moved his head, leaning his mouth on the gun, teeth touching the metal, tongue out, licking slowly the barrel, making Javier’s brain short-circuit.<em> Shit.</em> He moved the gun under his chin; Steve moved his head back, smile on his plump lips. <em>Son of a bitch. </em>Javier couldn’t stop staring, turned on. “Come on…You got the gun, you’re in charge… Or I can pull the shot-gun, and we’ll see quién está a cargo…” (<em>who’s in charge)</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was when he realized there was nothing <em>Vanilla</em> about Steve Murphy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> Javier's brain was still lagging, trying to keep up. Steve's hips were bucking into Javier’s fingers squeezing reflexively on his hips, thrusting against him. Oh, the fucking shot-gun was still on his hip, <em>God damn it. </em>Putting the gun on the bedside table, he eyed Steve, who took the shot gun and put it beside the gun, with as sheepish look. Javier helped him out of the shoulder holster, he grabbed his shirt collar and Steve let him pull it from his body. Javier wanted to touch, wanted to... he almost got distracted, eyes lost on his chest and abs, Javier was having a hard time to get used to his muscles, and Steve was not being helpful, as he was nipping wetly at Javier's shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me...” Steve mumbled, his big hand on his chest, pushing him down. Javier nodded, feeling him working the belt and buttons of his jeans open, while his mouth moved on his skin, sucking here and there until Javier felt like mush again, his fingers sinking into the softness of Steve’s hair. Blue eyes staring at him hotly, mouth on his hipbone, he started to pull his jeans down his hips. Javier rolled his body with the motion, jeans and underwear sliding down his legs, socks off. Just like that, Javier was naked in front of him.</p>
<p>“You're beautiful...” Steve murmured, taking a long look over him. Javier was not usually shy in bed, but those blue eyes were too much; like he could read Javier’s thoughts.</p>
<p>He slid his hands on Javier’s skin, stopping at his hip bones, pulling Javier closer as he leaned close and took a long slow lick on the side of Javier's dick, making him moan. Could he handle a blow job right now? Javier was too hard to think coherently, and was lost as soon as he felt the wet sleek heat from inside his mouth. <em>Jesus fucking Christ</em>, his tongue gliding up from the base, tracing the tip, flickering across the slit, Javier moaned loud.</p>
<p>"Dios mío, mírate ... es tan sexy ..." Javier's hand went down his body to touch Steve's lips "Tu boca... tus labios..." his thumb sliding inside Steve’s mouth, feeling the heat inside. He groaned, back arching, he could feel his muscles trembling, spasming with want.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Steve, wait…Stop."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> Steve moved to look at him, eyes a wide pool of lust, wet red lips in a sad pout, breathing hard, he sat up on his boots, hands up, looking suddenly guilty. Javier realized he must be thinking he was rejecting him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No... Look at me…”  Javier asked. Steve raised his eyes. “It was too good…” he wanted him closer, his hands searching for his. Steve shook his head. Javier sat up, grabbing him by the nape of his head, forehead resting on Steve’s. “I want more...” He whispered. Steve kissed his forehead, his cheek, then his lips, with a softness that Javier didn’t expect, a slow dragging of lips, painting lines like fire against his skin, arm around him to help him lay own again, Javier groaned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Anything for you” Steve mumbled against his neck, sending another rush through Javier, “I could never say no to you…” he whispered into Javier’s ear, each word dripping with want, with a dragged kiss on Javier’s mouth, Steve pulled away, hands trembling a bit around the buckles of his thigh holster, undoing them, throwing it to the floor; he moved to take off his boots, socks then he unbuckled his belt and took off cargo pants and boxers in one go, while he opened the drawer of his bedside table, fishing out condoms and a bottle of lube.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve leaned close Javier again; hand on his face, kissing him. Javier's arms went immediately around him, mouth opening to him, eager to feel him.</p>
<p>Fingers were smeared in lube, dragging, touching, feeling, stretching. Javier’s eyelids fluttered shut, head tilting back, groaning, while Steve murmured in his ear how beautiful he was, how sexy he sounded. There’s been a while since Javier been with a man. It didn’t feel like this. Nothing ever felt like this. His hands caressed his chest, sliding down his belly; hand around his cock, the moan Steve let out was music to Javier’s ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was this the time to his mind question what he was doing? What he was feeling? No. it wasn’t. Was it the right thing? Probably not. Javier looked at him; blond hair in a disarray, blue eyes so, so intense. Javier wanted to savor it, wanted to keep him forever, wanted things to be easier. His hand closed on his shoulder, blunt nails dragging. Feeling Steve’s fingers moving in and out, agonizingly slow, Javier’s body quivering with want. More, Javier wanted more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And maybe he asked that out loud, because Steve pulled his fingers out, moving between Javier’s legs, trembling hands caressing his thighs. Leaning softly on him, his mouth desperately searched for Javier’s. He really tried to move slow, but Javier's leg pulled him harder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh fuck..." Steve moaned. Javier’s fingers tangled in blond locks. He was drowning in the sudden rush, feeling him sinking slowly. Staring at his beautiful face, eyelids fluttering closed, mouth agape, breath hitching out of control. Javier gasped when he moved back, hand sliding on Steve's back, palm fitting on the curve of his ass. Feeling Steve's hips trembling before he thrusted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So fucking good,” Steve breathed out against him, teeth dragging up his throat, hips pounding into Javier, cock driving into him so hard that Javier felt like he couldn’t breathe, fingernails skidding recklessly over skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve let go of his hips, grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him up his lap, leverage giving him a better angle. Javier felt like he was going to come apart with the fucking intensity of it, head tilting back, legs around him, hands clawing at Steve's back, meeting his thrusts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s moans were driving him crazy. Every thrust was perfectly aimed, it was overwhelming, creating the perfect desperation, and in that moment, nothing else mattered. Just Steve.Steve and his hands and his hot mouth, his skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His right hand closed around the length of Javier's cock, moving the same rhythm, and <em>holy fuck</em>, Javier moaned, loud. He was so lost, every nerve on edge, ears drumming with his heartbeat, hot white filling head, his cock spilling slick and hot into Steve’s fist, hips rutting on pure instinct against his relentless rhythm, making him twitch and shudder, coming hard. His mouth on Steve's jaw.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Holy Fuck” Steve hissed, arm tightening around Javier’s waist. Javier felt him coming. Letting out a desperate moan, shocks running up his body, he was beautiful, beautiful... he stopped moving, breathing hard on Javier's skin, he turned his head, and lets his mouth slide on his cheek, Javier's arms closed around his neck and shoulders, to be lost one more time in his mouth. Javier stared in his blue eyes, seeing an old softness there, and for a moment, everything was forgotten, this was Steve, his Steve. The deeply caring man who always asked him if he was ok, that told Javier to be careful every time Javier went to work with Carrillo, the man who gave him a bottle of Jack Daniels in his birthday, and drank half of it with him in his apartment, falling asleep on the floor head on his jacket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier missed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier loved him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve moved Javier back on the bed, leaning on his body, head on his chest, trying to catch his breath, then he moved to Javier’s side. Javier was still trying to find his voice, feelings overwhelming him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You ok?” Steve asked with a raspy tone. Javier glanced at him and the spell broke.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>No</em>. Javier wanted to answer, but said nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Fuck,</em> he was in love. He was so, so in love it hurt.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hurt like hell.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yeah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. “If it seems like a dream, it’s because it’s not real.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, here comes chapter 10! :-) there's a few spanish sentences, I'm portuguese, my spanish sucks so, google translate helped me xD hope its not horrendous! good reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier got to the office early; he got to his desk and wrote a detailed report about last night’s failed raid. He didn’t left a thing out. When he pressed ‘send’ it was like a weight was added to his chest. He looked around the room, he could see movement in Messina's office, behind the blinds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't want to see her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His head hurt like hell, his bones were deeply tired since he didn't slept last night. Javier felt numb, like a black hole was spreading inside his chest, taking his whole being and all his will to be awake with it. He though of Steve, and immediately his eyes filled with tears. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Shit. </em>
  </span>
  <span>He needed to get busy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He got up from his desk and went to get some watery coffee from the machine to try to get a clear head. He made a few calls to his friend at the FBI, Steve was right; none of the body cameras had good footage of the Caos. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Shit. </em>
  </span>
  <span>Ok, he wanted Steve out of trouble of course, but at the same time, he wanted him to be wrong… he leaned on a wall outside, his hands were trembling, and he was afraid he would break down soon. This fucking early and he needed a fucking drink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Javier decided to text Carrillo, ask him how he was and if he had any broken bones. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Carrillo called him immediately.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>No fucking broken bones thank you very much, just a shattered ego and a bruise the size of a watermelon… Where are you?”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I came by the office to write the damn report, now I’m grabbin’ a few files and see if I get some work done…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>I was sent home for the day, I’m supposed to be resting... want to grab some breakfast?”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, breakfast sounded good, maybe some nonsence talk and food would do him good.</p>
<p>When he arrived to the usual waffle trailer, Carrillo was already sitting at a plastic table. Javier proceeded to grab coffee and waffles for both of them. He sat on front of him, putting the tray on the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was the one that got shot, but you’re the one that looks like shit.” Carrillo said. Javier shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel like shit...” Javier said, taking a sip from his coffee. “Did you send your report already?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You forget I don't work directly for the DEA…But, as soon as I got home, I called Messina…” Carrillo said, he took a few sips from his hot coffee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier nodded. “I… haven't seen her yet…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I figured… so.” Carrillo stared at him, dark eyes serious. “Tell me about what happened yesterday...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier knew the questions were inevitable. And maybe he could handle better Carrillo’s judgment than Messina's. When Carrillo did become his weird best friend, was something Javier was still asking himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“… I found Steve.” he was surprised his voice didn't shake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That motherfucker.” Carrillo shook his head. “What did he say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told him you were pissed… he said ‘better pissed than dead’.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo barked a laugh, an honest loud laugh. “Atta boy... I’m still gonna hurt him when see him, though…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I bet he won’t expect anything less.” Javier chuckled. “Honestly. There’s not a lot to tell about last night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo frowned, raising an eyebrow at him. “Give me a break… this is not a report for the DEA Peña…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier hesitated. “Ok. You know the Caos are mercenaries…” Carrillo nodded, wincing when he sat straight in his chair. “… after they dismantle the Morales cartel, they’re aiming to do the same to the Santamaria.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And bite the hand that fed them… clever.” Carrillo sassed. “He told you that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Huh… Yeah.” </span><span><em>shit</em></span><span>, the way Carrillo’s eyebrow moved told him he wasn’t buying it. “Listen, It doesn’t matter how I know it.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok… but if that’s what they’re doing… they could, I don’t know… Steve could be our link… we could help...” He looked confused. Javier nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, there’s still something I’m missing here…” Javier sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not getting it… did you talk to Steve or not? What the fuck is going on between you two?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Things are…hard.” he shrugged, hesitating: “I told you the Caos have dirt on me… The Norte Cartel thing…” Carrillo nodded. “That’s how the Caos are controlling Steve… Steve’s like... protecting me.” Saying it out loud sounded so fucking crazy. Javier took a cigarette from his pack. Steve was protecting someone who didn't deserve it in the first place, </span><span><em>hell,</em></span><span> he was the one to go head first into trouble, he was the reason Steve was at their mercy, and still: Steve didn’t tell Rudo they were meeting; He was trying to keep Rudo away and show him he was enough to make the Santamaria rivals fall without Rudo needing Javier.</span></p>
<p>Javier sucked in a deep breath, he was angry. They broke Steve and made him one of them. But still he felt like something was not right, like there was a piece of the puzzle missing. And fucking Steve and his inability to not talk to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit Peña...”Carrillo frowned, eyes on Javier, taking a moment to process it. “Still, we could be planning the fall of The Caos too. There’s ways to protect...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>We…We had sex last night…” Javier interrupted him. Carrillo went silent at that, his shoulders slumped.</span> <span>He stared at Javier, shaking his head.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I literally don’t know what to do with that information.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier frowned. “I don’t want you to do anything... I... just...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Feelings always fuck things up... complicate everything... So Steve's protecting because he loves you?” Carrillo: blunt as ever. Javier groaned. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. He let his head fall on the plastic table, feelings overwhelming him. He had no idea what went on Steve's mind. What really fueled his decisions? It crossed Javier's mind in a lapse of hope that Steve could love him, but Javier had no clue... He knew he'd sell his soul to the Devil for Steve, he knew he'd protect Steve too if he were in his shoes... he'd... </span><span><em>Shit.</em></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not sure of how he feels about me…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh? Are you fucking daft? So… he’s been protecting you and you two fucked last night? Come on Javier…the million dollar question here is: Does he want to be saved?” Javier stared at him, eyes wide “You can’t save a man that doesn’t want to be saved...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I-I don’t know…”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I get it, He seemed pretty comfortable there...” Carrillo shrugged “Look. Maybe stalling is not the way here... We could, I don’t know... He fucked up, killed a man in front of us, knocked down a FBI agent and shot me square in the chest. But it’s nothing an undercover agent hasn’t done before while in mission... maybe If done right, it’s still remediable.” Carrillo said. “Open the game to Messina... you know you can trust her... and even if the DEA don't have your back... we can try, see the options, you know the DEA is not your only option here. My division works differently... You know that…” Carrillo was serious. The Search bloc was a successful governamental division. Everyone knew they were in deep shit but no one dared to question it. They were good at what did, The DEA was thankful they had their back. “But we need his help... and if it doesn't work... maybe if he give up Caos, his associates... Give all the information. He'll probably face less time...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Shit... ” Javier sighed. He barely gave a thought of that: the possibility of Steve going to jail... he did kill a man last night. How many people did he kill in the last years? Javier slumped against the chair. Would even Steve be up to it? “I don't think...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>You don't know.” Carrillo interrupted him. “Maybe you two could have a legal way out of this shit...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>¿Eso crees?” (You think so?) small hope raised in his chest.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>No lo sé... pero tenemos que intentarlo.” (I don't know... but we have to try) Carrillo shrugged, hesitating. “Gotta think straight here Peña... If it was someone else what would you do?”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Grab him by his fucking ear and bring him to Messina...” Javier admitted. Carrillo nodded at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“¿Lo amas?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at Carrillo, eyes wide, he shrugged. He did. But, he was afraid he was just grabbing thin threats of what Steve was before he went AWOL.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was not the same man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Things are complicated...” Javier sighed, he felt empty, suddenly helpless. The night they shared together ruined him. It had been so fucking good… and still, Javier knew he fucked things up between them even more.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Because you two dumb fucks complicate it!” Carrillo rolled his eyes. Javier frowned at him. “Ok, things are pretty fucked... but have you thought of communicating?”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I did... he's closed as a fucking clam.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>... and yet he told you the Caos want to bring down the Santamaria too...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>That... that was... after we… he was half asleep...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>The best time to deceive a man and make him tell you everything!” His serious tone made Javier snort. “I know the Caos are mercenaries... But Rudo has been working for them for so long, I was starting to think he was loyal to Santamaria... everything revolves around them...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I know... it doesn’t make sense.” Javier said. He grabbed his forgotten coffee, it was cold already, still better than the dirty water they had at the office.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed in silence, Carrillo eating his waffle with a fork, while Javier questioned all his life choices.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>We’re not gonna win this game.” Javier said low, like suddenly realizing it. He looked at Carrillo, who nodded.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Dramatic.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t see a positive end on this shit and I can’t lose Steve again…” Javier mumbled, even this fucked up Steve. “It’s gonna be ride or die.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bold. Count me in.” Carrillo said. Javier gave him a little smile, shaking his head. If only it was that simple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but I guess fucked things up…” Javier told him. “I left after he fell asleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Oh, fuck’s sake, Peña...” Carrillo face palmed. “You just said you can't lose him again...” Carrillo sighed. “You guys need therapy.... Shit. I need therapy.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javier was sitting on the floor, legs crossed, in front of the open sliding doors to a small balcony, smoking. Eyes lost in the skyscrapers, the neon lights so distracting. He was trying to think, to rationalize everything that just happened. It had been a long night. He heard movement, and looked over his shoulder. Steve was coming back from the bathroom, naked, towel in his hands, still drying his hair. Javier felt his heart beat a bit faster. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Shit</em>
  </span>
  <span>, he was doomed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t you want to take a shower?” Steve asked low. Javier shrugged. “I’ll change the sheets…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, finishing his cigarette and moved swiftly to the bathroom, closing the door behind himself. He cleaned the fogged mirror, hesitating, he ran his fingers through the soft bruises on his collarbone and chest. Maybe not thinking too much was the answer for now. He took a shower and dried his body with a soft towel; he was getting out of the bathroom when something caught his eye, what looked like a silver bracelet on the flush toilet. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Huh</em>
  </span>
  <span>. He touched it, it had a little heart hanging, and the lock seemed to be broken. It clearly wasn’t Steve’s.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He got back to the bedroom, Steve was sprawled on his bed, belly down, face smooshed on his pillow. Red lines on his back and shoulders told Javier it really happened. He did that to Steve. Javier sat on the side Steve left empty, should he lay down and sleep? Think of all the shit tomorrow? He was tired, so fucking tired. And Steve looked so peaceful. Javier laid down, under the soft sheet. Steve moved and suddenly Javier had a big arm around his waist, pulling him closer, his nose and mouth on the crook of Javier’s neck. Javier hesitated, hand sliding on his arm, feeling the scars on his wrist, and the soft lines of his tattoo, it was strange tattoo, in his inner arm fold, a circle with a few arrows pointing out, he traced it with soft finger tips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You smell so good.” Steve mumbled. Javier looked at him: eyes closed, soft sleepy smile on his lips. Javier hummed, letting himself being wrapped in that sudden soft aura, feeling his lips on his neck, nose nuzzling the nape of his head. He sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now what?” Javier asked low.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We keep going.” It was his sleepy answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Keep going? What you’re talking about?” Javier turned his body to Steve’s, he had his eyes closed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Cartel… We only stop until they’re all ashes. I have plans… we...” His words were really low and a bit slurred. </span><span><em>Right. </em></span><span>Javier caressed his cheek.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The Morales?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…<span>and the Santamaria.” His answer came slow. Javier held his breath for a few seconds. </span><span><em>Huh.</em></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you want me in this?” Javier murmured. Steve nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just want you.” Steve leaned closer, and Javier felt so stupid. He couldn’t stop thinking about the bracelet.</p>
<p>Steve’s breathing started to even, he was falling asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you hired any escort, since you started seeing me?” it left his lips, it was a dry question. He needed to know. Steve hummed, lips on Javier’s forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No Jhavi… never again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier wanted to ask him about the bracelet. He wanted to ask him what the hell that night meant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve fell asleep. Javier was on his side, taking in his relaxed expression his soft lips, his sharp jawline, feeling his hand on the small of his back. Javier leaned and kissed his lips, Steve moved in his sleep, sighing softly, hand tightening on Javier's back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Javier was restless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a while, Javier got up slowly, he searched for his clothes putting them on as he found them, grabbing his shoes and finding his shirt on the living room. He sat on the couch, tying his sneakers. He grabbed a cigarette from Steve’s pack on the coffee table, His hands were shaking, he tried to take a deep breath but his heart beat was not slowing down. He lit up the cigarette. Feeling nauseous he realized maybe he couldn’t handle it, he needed to clear his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He'd text Steve later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. "Can´t run from your problems."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Few weeks after Norte kidnapping Steve, Javier was still worried about the blowback, things seemed quiet, but it could be the calm before the storm. Steve barely talked to him, even when sitting at his desk, right in front to Javier, eyes down, unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. His silence was driving Javier mad. He needed to talk to him, not at work of course, but he was not giving him a opportunity. Javier sighed and got up, grabbing his coffee and left. He needed get his thoughts in order. At the back of the headquarters, there were a few benches under some trees where you could see the sea, Javier sat down, lighting up a cigarette. He knew he major fucked up. When he felt Steve sitting down beside him, he gave him a side-glance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you came here to not talk to me, leave.” Javier exhaled the smoke. Steve shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m tired Javi…” he shrugged, grabbing Javier’s cigarette from his hand to take in a long drag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.” Javier bit his lip. He glanced again at Steve, at his profile. “Listen... I don’t think this is over yet… I need you to prepare yourself for some blowback," Javier said low, Steve rolled his eyes, taking the cigarette to his lips again "It goes high up, and these people aren't gonna like it when I try to get myself out of it... so, If they come after you about what I’ve been doing, you protect yourself first. You didn't know anything. Understand?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would not be lying.” Steve said. “The fuck you got yourself into Javier?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did what I had to do…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What are you going to do now?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't fucking know." Javier leaned back on the bench and he thought of lighting another cigarette, since Steve hijacked his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We've all gone off the rails down here Jhavi… you heard what Messina said. As long as we get the Norte Cartel, we win. We can get out of this clean. So I want you to think about that before you make any more decisions that you might regret.”</p>
<p>
  <span>Javier gave him a small smile. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Oh sweet summer child. </em>
  </span>
  <span>Javier knew he was more than fucked. There was no going back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He never imagined it would fuck up Steve even harder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier couldn’t stop thinking of what Carrillo said. The whole conversation running through his head: about saving Steve, take him to the DEA, make somehow a deal so he could be free from that shit. It seemed unreal. The old Steve would be aboard... But this Steve? Javier had no idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tried to distract himself with work; he finished some reports and collected the photos from last night raid to analyze them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He made a smoking break and couldn't control himself, he texted Steve, a simple </span>
  <span>
    <em>'Can we meet tonight?'</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The talk he had with Messina had been a mess; she had read his report and talked to Carrillo.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I don’t think I can protect Murphy, if this goes on…” she started.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>It seems to me that he doesn’t want or need protection.” Javier said. “They jammed the FBI cameras… somehow...”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Yes, it came to my attention… but the FBI agent he assaulted identified him…”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>
    <em>Shit.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Did he?”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>He was a bit confused… he hesitated between two pictures…but he was almost sure on the pic he chose…”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Murphy.” Javier murmured, hands twitching. He had the urge to grab his phone and call Steve. “What do you want me to do?” he asked. Messina hesitated.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>You think you can bring him here?”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javier scoffed. “I don’t know” He doubted it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His phone stayed quiet the whole afternoon. He wanted to send another text, but he didn't want to seem needy... Maybe he should call him. Steve was probably angry; Javier left without a word after all that. </span>
  <span>
    <em>Shit, </em>
  </span>
  <span>he really fucked up.</span>
</p>
<p>It was late when he left the office, while walking to his truck; he gave up and tried to call Steve. He didn’t answer. Javier left a voice message.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I know you probably… huh… Call me back. We need to… Call me Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier still lived in the same building after all those years; the building was a bare ugly construction in the middle of a quiet neighbourhood block. Nothing happened there, but then again, a few DEA agents lived there.</p>
<p>As soon as he entered his empty apartment, Javier realized it was a mistake, being alone was a mistake. He sat on his couch and grabbed a bottle of bourbon, glasses were overrated anyway, so he sipped from the bottle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sadness overtook him, it was due anyway. He spent the day with his mind occupied was much as he could, but now... looking at his bare walls, at his sad excuse of a TV and bottle of booze, he felt broken. What the fuck he gotten himself into?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn't bother to answer him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He missed Steve so much. When he took his breath in, Javier noticed he was crying. Taking the bottle of his lips, he tried to swallow his feelings in a large sip, just to end up coughing. It felt wrong, like none of what was happening was real. How could Steve be in the wrong side of the goddamn narcos war? What in strange alternate universe was that happening?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He got up from the couch, going to bed was probably good idea, his bones were tired, his head was starting to hurt. He took a quick shower and stared at his image on the mirror for too long; mesmerized by the shape of Steve's mouth on his collarbone, by the soft bruise on his left hip...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javier was sure: He loved Steve no matter what; no matter who he was, no matter what he'd done...</span>
  <span> even if he was a shade of the man he had been. He might be broken, and all wrong, but it was Steve, right? </span>
  <span>...and Javier probably fucked the chance to have Steve back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why the fuck nothing seemed to work in Javier's life?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did everything fail?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Next day felt episodic, more of the same:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Texting Steve with no answer;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Working his ass off with no results;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Except at night: he didn't go home, he went alone to a bar, drinking seemed a great idea. It was almost two in the morning when he drove home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Javier parked in front of his block saw a shadow leaning on the sidewall, he froze, his hand reached for his gun. He got out of the car cautiously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The figure lit up a cigarette and as the soft light from the lighter hit his face, Javier released his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Steve.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But as he got closer he noticed something was not right. He had a bruise on the side of his face; his eyes looked dull, like his soul had left his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re hurt.” Javier mumbled. Steve shook his head, dismissing it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>It’s nothing.” He said. </span>Javier hesitated, he wanted to touch him so bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let's go inside...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No... I...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you get my messages? I tried to call you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I've been in the middle of something...” His voice was tight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier stared at him. <span>“Come on…” he opened the building door. Glancing at Steve, he saw him</span> walking<span> like a silent ghost, quiet steps, cigarette between his lips. His eyes moved on the stairs, to where he used to live. Javier was expecting him to ask if someone lived there now, but he stayed silent.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Javier opened the front door, letting him in, turning on the light. Javier put his gun and keys on the table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Looks the same…” he whispered, Javier nodded. He didn’t really care about furniture, as long as the couch was comfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you want a beer? Scotch?” Javier asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was under the impression you didn’t want to talk to me...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve... I tried to call you.”Javier sighed. Steve shook his head as he put out the cigarette on the ashtray and seemed to be searching for something inside his pocket jeans; Javier noticed how tight his blue jeans seemed, and he had a band t-shirt with red letters, it was a good change from the all black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I came here to...” he finally pulled a small thing from inside his pocket; he put it on the table. A USB device. “... Give you this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything you need to take down Morales… and some information on the Santamaria…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell are you doing?” he was confused for a moment. Steve sighed. He looked miserable. “What happened to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Nothing Peña.” He raised his eyes. </span><span><em>Peña? </em></span><span>Javier was offended. But he understood him, he was hurt. Javier gave a few steps towards him, raising his hand to his face. Steve flinched, giving a step back.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your face is all bruised... Other night it wasn’t like that.” He said, putting his hand down. Steve made a scoffing sound.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, last night... Like you care.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>
    <em>Shit.</em>
  </span>
  <span> “I do care… I know I should’ve said something earlier…but…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you should've stayed... you didn’t. It was clear enough.” Steve interrupted him. Javier stared at him, a thousand of thoughts running through his head. What should he do? How could he express what he was feeling, how could he tell him he didn’t want to lose him again, and why did his tongue was stuck to his palate?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…I’m leaving Miami.” Steve said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>What?” </span><span><em>Oh, no.</em></span><span> “Why?”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I collected all the information.” Steve looked at him, lines of his face hard, lips tight. “I got nothing more to do here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That hit Javier like a punch in the gut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…and what about me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You?” Steve looked at him. “You left...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I made a mistake.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. I made a mistake. I should’ve not… I should’ve not looked for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s ok.” He sighed “You’re better off without me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want you to leave.” Javier grabbed his arm. Steve gave another step back and his back hit the shelves. He shook his head. “I panicked...” Javier said low. “You know this has not been fucking easy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's why I’m doing this. I'll leave. Simple enough.” his eyes were down, his hands in tight fists.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier leaned his forehead on his cheek. Steve sighed, body trembling, Javier grabbed his jaw, their eyes locked, and Javier kissed his lips, a soft lingering kiss. Steve sighed, arm curling around Javier's waist, pulling him closer, fingers pressing hard on his hipbone. Javier's fingers moved on his jaw, hair, lips brushing on his, Javier murmured:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You told me you'd leave if I ask...” he kissed again, soft lips against his, “What if I asked you to stay?” he heard Steve's breath stuttering. His hand tight on Javier's hip. Steve hid his face on the crook of Javier's neck for a moment. Javier's hand caressing the nape of his head, small hope blooming inside his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...no.” Steve's answer was soft, unsure, bottom lip quivering. Javier stared at him. “I can't... look, I’ll lead Rudo out of your way...” Steve murmured, his hand pressed on Javier's chest, pushing him away softly “Just… listen to me. Lay low for a while; I need you to protect yourself first...” Javier gave a step backwards.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck Steve?...” he whispered. “What happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is not going to work...” he let his head back against the shelve, sighing. “This is a mistake.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Us?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Us.” He hesitated, there was soemthing that seemed to bem bothering him, a question under his tongue. “Why did you leave, anyway?” there was something indescribable in his tone, disappointment? Hurt? Javier was now hearing static, Steve telling him they were a mistake when Javier had decided he didn't want to lose him again, hurt, hurt like hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I needed to breathe. I needed to... I don't know you anymore...” Javier sighed. Steve frowned. “... and you lied.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I lied? What the fuck?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, come on, all of this...” he waved his hands towards Steve, frustrated. “... the caos, the cartel!” he leaned closer again. “Stop all of this... come back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't.” Steve's eyes closed for a moment. Javier knew he was conflicted. He had to try.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Talk to Messina... Carrillo...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leave the Caos...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leave the DEA.” The answer was quick. Javier stared at him, he didn't even realized he was breathless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“W-what?” Javier stuttered, Steve gave him a bitter smirk. “You can't fucking ask me that....”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why you ask me to quit Caos?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Isn't obvious?”</span><span><em> Fuck you Steve.</em></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you want me to do? Walk to the DEA headquarters? Talk to Messina? I quit Caos, I'll go to jail...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don't know that... we can try to...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yes I do... I know how that works. I won't rat on them. The things they can connect me to... I'd be royally fucked.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So what? This is it?” Javier asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess so.” Steve nodded. Javier closed his eyes, he thought of the night they spent together, suddenly feeling used.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The other night...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Was a mistake, Jhavi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fury rose inside Javier's chest. “Just another night, just another escort?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve's eyes snapped to Javier's face. “I never... No. I didn't... I never treated you like an escort.” He gave a step forward. Javier grabbed his collar, to stop him coming closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm not so sure about that!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, but I never really did...” Steve hissed. His hand went to Javier's shoulder. “I didn't pay you...” he tilted his head, eyes cold. Thumb on the edge of Javier's collar, touching his skin. Javier bit the inside of his cheek, this was a disaster. Steve's eyes were dark, and he was dangerously close. Javier was faltering. His eyes fell on Steve's lips and fuck; he wanted to kiss him again so bad. “How much do I fucking owe you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That felt like the last nail on the coffin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leave.” Javier was trying to control his breathing; the urge to punch his face was overpowering him. Steve's eyes followed the line of his jaw, he licked his lips. He stopped touching Javier. He</p>
<p>“What do you mean you don't know me? It's still me...” Steve murmured, eyes down, Javier hesitated. Steve didn't wait for an answer, he just left, slamming the front door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier felt empty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the next day, he gave the USB to Messina.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened to your hands?” she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. Javier gave a look to his busted knuckles. He almost destroyed his living room in an access of anger after Steve left. But Messina didn't need to know that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So this is all the information?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murphy said it had everything on Morales and few on Santamaria”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok... Yesterday, Carrillo's team intercepted information on a Juarez accountant... the man Murphy killed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah? Ok...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When they arrived at the site, it was trashed, and everyone dead.” She said. Javier closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. That probably explained Murphy's bruised face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok?” Messina stared at him with wide eyes. “You ok Peña?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm fine. I just... I got files to see, shit to do...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don't want to check the USB Murphy gave you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Put another person on it.” Javier said. “I'm done with it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When his phone vibrated. He grabbed it and froze. It was an unknown number, calling the check-point number.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What the actual fuck? Javier hesitated. Showing the screen to Messina, She frowned, but signed him to pick it up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Peña.”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span><em>"¿Este es Javier?" </em></span><span>(“Is this Javier?”)</span> <span>He didn't recognize the voice on the other side.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>
    <em>"Sí." </em>
  </span>
  <span>(yes)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Rudo hablando aquí... creo que tenemos que reunirnos, o mataré a Steve Murphy".</em>
</p>
<p>(“Rudo speaking here. I think we need to meet or I will kill Steve Murphy.”)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, </span>
  <span>
    <em>Fuck.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. “The road is empty. Alone is your only choice.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as Rudo hung up, Messina called Carrillo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Carrillo entered the room in a hurry; Messina was on her chair, looking worried. And Javier, well Javier wanted to run to the address Rudo texted them, even if it was too early for the meeting. Rudo set a meeting for the next day, at ten to midnight, in a fucking crowded street.</p>
<p>How the fuck Rudo got Javier's number was something the asshole didn't answer. Javier was boiling in anger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you should be resting...” she started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck that, what happened?” Carrillo asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Messina told him what happened, since Javier couldn't find his voice; the damn call from Rudo, the leader of the fucking El Caos. He was unaware Javier had him on speaker, and told them he had Steve locked somewhere, and he wanted the damn USB device, so he proposed a trade. He hissed at Javier that the Norte Cartel's shit was not forgotten and he could still fuck him up, and nothing would leave him happier than seeing Javier lose everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Like he did.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Javier was still trying to understand what Rudo meant. So, it wasn’t just a</span>
  <span>
    <em> 'join me on the dark side of the force' </em>
  </span>
  <span>thing</span>
  <span>? It was a personal vendetta too? What the fuck was happening?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He wants to meet you?” Horacio was looking at Javier. “this is unprecedented... Rudo never...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We don't even know what he looks like... It's a fucking trap; he will kill you and Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think...”Messina stared at both of them, crossing her arms in front of her chest “…I think you boys are hiding me stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier sighed. Carrillo gave him a side glance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just for the record, I’ve been telling Javier to come clean to you for a long time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Horacio...!” Javier rolled his eyes. Carrillo shrugged and Javier recognized the </span><span><em>'Now you can't run'</em></span><span> look on his face. </span><span><em>The little shit.</em></span><span> Javier stared at Messina. </span><span><em>Fuck</em></span><span>. He didn't want to do this. But he needed to save Steve. </span><span><em>So fuck it</em></span><span>. He pulled his cigarette pack from his pocket.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know me for a fuck ton of years... don't listen as a DEA agent...” He asked. Messina nodded at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he told her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He told her everything. Trying to concentrate on the photo she had behind her, since he couldn’t bear the disappointment in her eyes, or how her hands were tight on her arm chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Javier.” her voice hoarse, “I knew you... but I never thought. Fuck, Javier... if this gets out...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I know.” Javier glanced at Carrillo who was just quiet. Messina sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stayed in silence for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you do to Rudo?” Messina asked. “With all that talk, and you didn't told me that detail.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't know.” Javier mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Unbelievable...” She shook her head “What do you mean you don't know? The man is determined to destroy your career and kill Murphy!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't know... I though he wanted a mole inside the DEA... nothing more... and...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His phone vibrated, it was from Rudo’s number, he just sent a video.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>
    <em>Steve.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was on the video, all bloodied, hanging by his wrists, head down, blood dripping from his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Messina inhaled as she saw the video. “Oh no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier's stomach tightened. One thing was Steve telling him what happened, another was seeing it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is not new. Steve has a tattoo in his arm now...” Javier, gulped, pointing to his arm. “This is when they got him...” his voice trembled a bit. Steve's voice could be heard in the video, he was crying, mumbling something intelligible. It broke Javier's heart, tears filled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A text message arrived: </span>
  <span>
    <em>“In this state, he told us everything we needed to know including your phone number.”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need to know Steve's alive.” Javier texted the number instinctively. Carrillo approved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, we go with guns blazing?” Carrillo asked. Messina sighed. Javier knew she had her hands tied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He could kill Steve.” She said. Javier agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you suggest?” Carrillo looked at Javier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We could...” He hesitated. “Go to his place do a search...? Question the guys who work at the Coartada...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I agree...” Messina said, she turned to Carrillo. “I'm taking this to my superiors as a simple...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rescue?” Carrillo interrupted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Something like that. Yes… that we got a tip.” She eyed Javier. “Javier... If Rudo...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don't worry Claudia.” Carrillo's face was serious; he looked at Javier. “It's a ride or die kind of thing... if Rudo is not dead by the end of this...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sighed, shaking her head. “I don't like those odds Horacio...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier's phone vibrated, it was Rudo again, was it the life proof? He slid the green button. It was a video-call. He tensed, his hand closed around his phone.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” he couldn't take his eyes of the screen, Carrillo got close, hand on Javier's elbow, to take a look at the screen too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was in a dark doom, hanging by his wrists again, limp, his blond hair red in some places. They couldn't see his face, but Javier saw the tattoo, and he knew the shape of his body. Steve was wearing the same clothes of last night, the black band t-shirt and the blue jeans. So that meant, Rudo probably got him when Steve left his place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The call disconected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If only he didn't ask him to leave, </span>
  <span>
    <em>Fuck.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier would kill Rudo with his bare hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re doing this.” Carrillo said. Javier nodded. He could not believe this was happening. The dreading feeling he could lose Steve made him nauseous if he thought about it for too long. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t lose him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembered the hug, the first real hug Steve gave him. It had been a tight embrace, where Javier leaned his forehead on the side of his neck, not imagining that would be the last time he’d see him.</p>
<p>Steve looked so tired on that morning, his eyes red rimmed like he didn’t sleep, his hair not was tidy as he used to. But still beautiful, making Javier's heart clench with yearning. “It’s not late to quit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve gave him an indescribable stare, like he was measuring him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I made up my mind Jhavi.” His smile was almost soft “You gonna miss me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier remembered how he wanted to tell him not to go, and that yes, he would miss him like crazy. But it is what it is, and Javier just shrugged, eyeing him in his brown leather jacket and denim button up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen… Caos have a link to the Norte Cartel, and I mean what I said…if anyone asks questions, you tell them what they want to hear, okay? It was always on me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve scoffed “Fuck you Jahvi...” but there was no heat on his words, he shook his head. “… and anybody who comes around asking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier nodded. “And you do me favor…take care of yourself. What you’re getting yourself into is not easy or pretty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was the first to lean in to hug him, tight, one arm around his shoulders another under his arm, cheeks brushing, eyes sad, tight smile. No, he never thought the last time he would see his face was when Steve looked over his shoulder and gave him a last sad smile before leaving to Colombia.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn't lose Steve again. The last thing he said to Steve was ‘</span>
  <span>
    <em>leave’ </em>
  </span>
  <span>and Javier couldn’t live with that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier Peña hated the fucking Coartada with all his will. It was full like always, Carrillo was moving at ease, looking around with a half grin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Never been here?” Javier asked. Carrillo shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don't tell me you're enjoying this...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no... I was thinking I’m too old for this shit...” Carrillo rolled his eyes. Javier agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was searching for familiar faces, someone he could ask about Steve. At the second floor counter there was someone he knew: the barmaid, the nice one, who warned Javier about Steve. She seemed to not be working, she was leaning on the counter looking at her phone. Javier got closer, when she raised her eyes and saw him, he noticed she looked worried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Javier...! You're here!” her brown eyes wide. </span><span><em>W</em></span><em>hat?</em> <span>Javier hesitated. He didn't remember giving her his name. </span><span><em>Huh. </em></span><span>“Have you seen Murphy?” her tone was urgent. Javier traded a look with Carrillo. She noticed then Javier was not alone, frowning at Carrillo.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think we need to talk.” Javier said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded. “I need a smoke, the office has a window.” They followed her to the back of the VIP area. Javier had been there at that office; the first time he met Steve. Her hands were trembling as she tried to lit up the cigarette.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never told you my name...” he said, she nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Murphy.” She dragged a lungful of smoke. Javier was bubbling inside, nervous. She was looking down. “You're DEA.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Javier nodded. He glanced at Carrillo, who was menacingly leaning on the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn't know who you were at first... the warning I gave you was a real one.” she said. “... A few days ago, Murphy told me about you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I though you barely knew him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I lied.” She shrugged “I thought you were an escort, why would I tell you the truth?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit… Who the fuck are you?” Javier was starting to feel impatient. She hesitated and pointed at Carrillo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who is he?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I trust him.” Javier said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't even know if I trust you yet...” She said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve does.” Javier said. She eyed him, serious. “Did you see Steve last night?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did... around eleven pm... he said he wouldn't take long but he didn't come back...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck.... Fuck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The hell happened? Did you see him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did...” He stared at her, it was not making him sense why she seemed to know him. “Why do you know him? Why did you lie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm Caos.” Her answer made Carrillo give a few steps forward. Javier was staring at her with his eyes wide.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the actual fuck? Rudo has Steve!” Javier was incredulous, and ready to take her in custody.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh hell no... Wait, wait” Her hands rose. “Let me explain!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where the fuck is Steve?” Javier demanded, he grabbed her wrist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't know...” She said looking scared, her eyes shifting beween them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen here Lady...” Carrillo started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I swear... Listen! I don't know where Murphy is... let me explain. My name is Raquel Cifuentes... my dad's name is José Cifuentes... you know him as Rudo.” she trembled. “Murphy has a plan to overtake him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>TBC</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry i took a little long than the usual, my life is kinda bonkers right now xD.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So... what do you think about it?  Got any theories?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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